Easier said than done… Enter Exhibit A — my reluctance to teach adult classes despiteknowingit’s the obvious solution to my income nightmare. Even if it means more late nights teaching since I can’t exactly do them during the day.
But today seems to be the day for wake-up calls, courtesy of Ashley. Her help and encouragement have me sending the ad off to the Dogwood Cove and Westport newspapers, as well as posting it online. Also, her insight makes me realize I want to check in on Leo. And probably apologize for rushing out on him this morning.
I could see how conflicted he was when I went to leave, torn between his absolute need to be there for Vi and his desire to talk to me. But his daughter needed him, and I needed some space. Because the reality of being with a man who has a child started to dawn on me in that moment.
SERENA: Hey, how’s Vi?
LEO: Her fever broke thank god. And she’s loving the juice pops you brought over, thank you.
SERENA: Good. And how are you??
LEO: Tired. Wishing our night hadn’t been interrupted. I’m so sorry about that.
Shit. I read his message over and over, analyzing every word to death. This is exactly what I’m afraid of. That our relationship will never work because I’ll come between him and Violet somehow. And no matter how much he tries to have us both, that’s impossible. His guilt will eat him alive, and he’ll have to choose. And, of course, he’ll choose her. He has to choose her.
But where does that leave me?
I thumb out a reply in a daze, processing the overwhelming sense of dread building in my stomach.
SERENA: Don’t apologize, she needed you.
LEO: I know.
LEO: I just feel bad that I had to leave you.
Every alarm bell that surrounds my defensive heart is going off. My brain starts running a million miles an hour, envisioning how this could play out.
This won’t be the last time Leo has to be there for Violet. Her needs will always come first, as they should. I mean, Leo’s dedication to his kid is one of the most attractive things about him. He’s always been a natural caretaker, a nurturer, and a giver through and through.
And that parental instinct and dedication mean I come second.
Which puts mefirstin line for being left. Abandoned. Rejected.
I knew this was too good to be true. I knew Leo and his incredible daughter were not for me. Because the pain of eventually losing them both will destroy me.
SERENA: It’s okay.
SERENA: I gotta go, I’ll check in later.
I toss my phone into my bag, turning it to silent so I’m not tempted to read any reply he might send.
The roller coaster I’ve been on mentally and emotionally today has me feeling utterly drained, and it’s not even lunch time.
When I walk into my accountant’s office that afternoon and come face to face with Beckett Donnelly, I’m paralyzed. My feelings are still too raw from earlier; if he asks me anything about Leo and me, or our relationship — whatever that means — I don’t think I can answer.
“Hi Serena.” He walks up to me with a warm smile. Distractedly, I analyze his face. Now that I know they’re related, I can see a lot of similarities between him and Leo. How did I not see it before?
“Beckett, hi,” I reply awkwardly, twisting my hands.Where’s Henry? For once, my usually punctual accountant is late, damn it. And on the day that Ireallydon’t want to make awkward small talk with Leo’s cousin.
“I heard Violet isn’t feeling well, have you talked to Leo?”
“Yeah, I, uh, I dropped off some food and stuff there this morning.”
“Oh, great. That was nice of you.” Beckett slides his hands into his pockets and tilts his head to the side. “It’s funny, we’ve all been living in the same town for so long and had no clue of our mutual connection. Fate works in mysterious ways, huh?”
All I can do is nod dumbly.
“Anyway, I won’t keep you. But you should know my mom is bugging Leo to bring you to a family dinner soon. You’ll be up against the full force of the Donnellys.”