“Four ...”
“Please ...”
“Three ...”
“You won’t hurt me, and I’m not leaving,” I cry out.
“I fuckin’ will, now leave,” he bellows.
I turn and run. I stumble over, and my hands land in the grainy sand. I cry out, agony bursting through my chest, and I whimper as I get to my feet and stagger forward. His voice echoes in my mind as tears roll down my cheeks. He was going to shoot me. He was actually going to shoot me.
He would end my life?
The man I love would end my life?
Nothing could ever hurt like this.
Nothing.
JAGGER
Fuck, fuck, fuck. It was her. It was her, and I threatened to kill her. I listen to her whimpers fade into the darkness and drop to my knees. I press the gun to my temple. End it. It’s the only way. It’s the only fucking way. I just told the love of my life that I didn’t want her, that I’d kill her. I listened to her fall apart and I kept going. I’m a fucking monster. Just end it.
I push the cold metal into my temple farther and my hand shakes. Her fuckin’ cries, they broke me. The way she touched me. Her scent against my skin. Her body against mine. She fucking broke me, and I just broke her in return. I drop the gun and pummel my fists into the sand, roaring curses and angry bellows. I stand, spinning to the nearest dark tree and punch it until my knuckles are bruised and raw. How could I be such a fucking coward? She wanted to help me. I knew she would, and I scared her. I scared her so bad I know she’ll never come back.
“Jagger?”
Fuckin’ Sharleen. Always the fuckin’ hero. I hear her footsteps on the sand as she approaches. She stops in front of me and shines a light over my panting form.
“What happened?”
“The woman that made the bet got away,” I grind out. “I didn’t get her in time.”
“Oh, I’m sure it won’t matter. Mick will sort it out.”
“Whatever.”
I stand and walk toward the house. When I get inside, I stare down at the blood dripping from my knuckles. Sharleen notices and her eyes widen.
“You’re bleeding.”
“Who fuckin’ cares, Sharleen? I bleed every fuckin’ day. Don’t pretend to care about me, it’s because of you that I’m here. I hope you rot in hell. One day, I’ll make sure you do.”
Her mouth drops open. “I didn’t mean for this to ... go so far.”
Oh, please.
She’s evil, and not a thing she says will ever change that.
“What did you think would fuckin’ happen? I gave you my life, you knew how dangerous my father was, and you went ahead and involved him anyway. Because of you, I’ll never feel love again; because of you, I’ll never see her again. I fuckin’ hate you.”
“I did love you, I did, and I never wanted bad things to happen, I ...”
“Do not,” I roar. “Don’t you fuckin’ open your mouth and try to make this better. You had a chance, and you picked him. I hope he makes the rest of your life a fuckin’ misery. Do not speak to me again.”
“Jagger ...” she tries.
Fuck. I spin around toward her and grip her shoulders. My blood trickles down her top but she doesn’t move. I squeeze her so hard, tears burst forth and roll down her cheeks. I know I’m hurting her, and I don’t care. I don’t fucking care.
“You fucked up, but while you were fucking up, you fucked me up, too. I never asked for that. I gave you everything I had. I loved you. You’re a fucking bitch.”
“You’re hurting me,” she cries, her face pathetic as she tries to get me to break.
“Stay the fuck away from me,” I say, releasing her. “I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.”
She turns with a cry, and rushes out.
Old me might have cared that she’s hurting, that my words probably cut her deeper than she’s ever been cut before, but new me doesn’t care. I don’t care if she lives or dies. I don’t care to help her, or speak to her, or have anything to do with her for the rest of my living days.
I walk into my room and stare out over the ocean, the moon lighting the waves.
She was so close, so fucking close.
To hear her, to feel her, to smell her ...
I did what I had to do.
It’s for the best.
But her cries will haunt me until the day I die.
Which is hopefully fucking soon.
5
WILLOW
I walk through the door when I arrive home, soaking wet and numb. Jagger’s words play over and over in my head. If you come back, I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you. The pain in my heart is far beyond anything I’ve ever felt. My entire body is moving, but I can’t feel a damned thing. I can’t swallow the lump in my throat. I can’t take a breath without my lungs screaming. When I step into the living room, everyone gets up quickly and rushes over. I know how I look. I don’t care.