“No.” Audrey put both her hands palm down on the wooden table. “I have so many questions about everything, and I need them answered. But first take this.”
Maggie was of the opinion that her own questions were a bit more pressing, but Audrey wasn’t really someone who could answer them for her. That was a journey Maggie needed to explore on her own. She took the small bag that her friend was shaking in her direction. Inside was a small pink pouch with a red heart and a familiar white cross on the front. Maggie unzipped it and laughed as she saw the instant freeze pack, a set of crayon-shaped Band-Aids, an elastic bandage, and some alcohol wipes. A fully-stocked, travel first aid kit. The other item in the bag was a neon yellow umbrella. Both were barely bigger than her phone.
“They seemed necessary, given your recent adventures.” Audrey smiled at Gwen as she slid a steaming mug of tea in front of her. “So you and Dean got stuck on a mountain together.”
“Sort of. The road was closed because of the storm, but there was a hotel, a heater, and room service, and the road was open by the next morning.”
“That’s literally a romance scene,” Audrey sighed. “You couldn’t have written it better if you tried.”
Maggie took a sip of her coffee. “That’s kind of the whole point of us dating. To help me write better scenes.”
Audrey frowned and spun her tea bag into her ceramic mug. “Is it working?”
Dean had asked the same question, and this time Maggie had an answer. “No.” She slumped back into her chair.
Maggie had barely written anything in the last four weeks. She’d tried to take notes on the physical reactions her body had had to Dean, the way his mouth curved when he smiled at her. She’d created the most perfect romance novel dates, and yet nothing was different now, after a month of them. How could her writing change if she wasn’t different? Would extending their agreement change anything? Another week? A month? It didn’t seem likely, not after her complete lack of reaction to a mostly naked Dean. Maggie didn’t know if Dean was the wrong guy, or she was the wrong girl. Maybe she wasn’t built for the kind of romance she read about.
“I’m just struggling with all of it.” Maggie put her head into her hands. “I’m discovering that I know a lot less about love and romance than I thought I did.”
“That’s normal.” Audrey sipped her tea. “Especially for someone who spent so much time reading that she forgot to date.”
Maggie flushed. “I’ve dated. A little. Just nothing like what happens in books.”
“That’s because real life isn’t like books,” Audrey said. “It’s still wonderful and thrilling and empowering, but it isn’t the instant connection that happens between the covers of a novel. Just look at me and Cal.”
Audrey and Cal had fallen in love the normal way. They’d crossed paths first at work and then through mutual friends. Their first several meetings happened in a group. Cal had scrounged up both Audrey’s contact information and the confidence to use it. He’d taken her out to dinner at a tiny Italian restaurant that served mouthwatering salads and antipasti. Two days later, he’d called and asked her on another date. A month later, they were official. Six months later, Audrey’s lease ended, and she moved in with Cal and Mac.
On paper, stories like that seemed unimaginative, but Maggie had watched her best friend experience each part of Cal’s attention and interest. Maggie had watched them fall in love. Instead of directing her own narrative by faking a relationship, she should have just interviewed the happy couple. Even without a meet-cute and a series of perfect dates and challenges, Cal was in love with her friend, devoted, and Audrey was one hundred percent invested right back.
Maggie had known when Cal started ordering a Diet Coke with no ice and a separate glass full of water with lemon every time they went somewhere, because that’s what Audrey ordered with all her meals. He didn’t wait for her to ask him. Audrey often ran late for their dates, so he had things ready for her when she got there.
“I thought I knew what being in love looked like. I thought I’d lived it,” Maggie said.
Audrey tipped her head to the side, blond ponytail swinging, as she studied her friend. Her eyes narrowed. “You don’t mean—”
“I think I was wrong.” Maggie said, “But I don’t know if I was never actually in love at all, or if I just don’t know what actual love is.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Audrey shook her head. “You know love. You just need the right person.” Audrey was a blur of activity. She fixed her ponytail, clenched her fists around the strap of her bag, stirred one, two, three sugars into her tea. Her eyes met Maggie’s before skittering away. “You’ve been conflating love with beinginlove.”
Maggie sat back in her chair. She lifted her cup to her mouth, letting the soothing sweetness of her coffee spread along her tongue. Audrey was probably right—she had a bad habit of being right—but until the right person came into Maggie’s life, it would be hard to prove any of Audrey’s statements.
“Maybe,” Maggie watched as Audrey’s frown bled away into an encouraging smile.
“Maybe that’s why your reviewers didn’t find the chemistry believable between your main couple. Because you’ve always settled for less than real chemistry without even realizing it. Or your reviewers are just wrong.”
“They can’t be both right, that my writing lacks chemistry because I have no personal experience with toe-curling chemistry, and wrong, because my book actually does have chemistry. You have to pick one.” Maggie fought back a laugh.
“I don’t have to pick one,” Audrey said. “I’m your best friend. It’s my job to be unreasonable.”
Unreasonable. It was unreasonable to keep dating Dean when it wasn’t helping her writing. He had offered to keep up the ruse as a favor, not out of a burning desire for her. It was unreasonable to believe this would work when it hadn’t been working so far. She had no chemistry with Dean. She had tepid comfort and affection. Dean was handsome, but she couldn’t remember the last time she’d wanted to press her mouth to his, not for the sake of writing about it, but because his lips had looked too kissable to ignore. It had been someone else’s lips she had wanted to kiss, someone that she was struggling to ignore.
“How did you know you were in love with Cal?”
Audrey straightened in her chair, pushing her shoulders back under her cotton shirt. She took a sip of her tea and placed her cup down with a small clink. “It wasn’t instalove like in most romance novels.” Audrey said, “He was cute, and he was attractive. I wanted to drag him off to secret places to do nasty things to him, but it took longer to fall in love. It was how he looked at me, the little things he did to put me first, the way I didn’t want to be with anyone but him.”
“I get that part. I loved your brother for standing up to my bullies, for the special nicknames, for the smiles he always gave me, but what does being in love feel like?” Maggie leaned across the table to grab Audrey’s hand. “What made you sure that he was the one?”
Audrey’s brow furrowed, but she didn’t pull her hand away. The sounds of the café had faded to a low hum as Maggie watched her best friend. Looking thoughtful, Audrey turned her face away from Maggie. “The first time I saw Cal, I couldn’t look away from him.” Audrey said, swinging her gaze back at her friend. “We were at a party, and it was like I could see him everywhere. I’d leave the room only to run into him again. I’d go to refill my drink and our eyes would catch and hold from across the room.” Audrey smiled.