“What next step? If we don’t take her up on the choice, we’ll end up right back where we started. That’s all we’ve got. Options A and B.”
No one responded, neither to argue with me nor agree. Everyone knew I was right, but no one wanted to be the bad guy who said, ‘it’s not my job to save everyone else.’
Berserkers were used to being the bad guys, though. I was accustomed to being the brute, the killer, the dangerous one. If everyone wanted to blame me for being smart, for doing what was right, that was fine. So long as it protected Hera, I’d take that hit.
“I’ll be the asshole. We areleaving.I don’t care who is still at Larkwood, I don’t give a fuck about how other shades are getting treated here. That’s not our problem. We aren’t saviors, we aren’t fighting the system and we sure as fuck aren’t going to risk getting locked back up because we want to play hero. I’m leaving tomorrow and I’m taking Hera with me. Anyone with a speck of smarts will go, too.”
With that, I rose and stormed out, slamming the door hard enough to crack the wood.
I went to my room, then paced back and forth. Each time I thought I might have calmed myself, the thought of Hera ending up back in Larkwood drove my rage right up again. It was as if she had not only the key for easing my anger but could dial it the other direction as well.
How long I paced, I wasn’t sure, but soon enough, the door of my room opened.
Only two people would dare approach me in this mood—Hera or Knox.
A glance toward the door told me exactly which it was, though.
“You shouldn’t be around me right now,” I told Hera. The last thing I wanted was to risk her with my temper as precarious as it was. I didn’t believe I’d ever hurt her physically, but I didn’t want to say something I’d regret or worse, frighten her.
She shook her head as she shut the cracked door, closing us in.“I’m not afraid of you,”she signed, her back against the door.
And boy did that make me want to prove her wrong. Maybe it was because I still felt challenged, but I found myself moving closer until I crowded her, wanting to see her recoil, wanting to remind myself that no matter what I did, I’d always be the untrusted one, the scary one. My entire worth rested in losing my control.
But she didn’t rise to the occasion. She stared up and into my eyes as if we were having a calm conversation rather than what was happening.
I brought my hands up and slammed them against the door, caging her in. And maybe it was pathetic, but I liked it. I enjoyed having her like this, wanted to push her, to trap her.
And Hera reacted without a single sign of panic. Even though I was sure I looked every bit the monster I felt like, dancing on the edge of losing myself entirely, she didn’t even flinch.
“I won’t lose you,” I swore to her, my voice a rough, desperate growl. “Not after everything we’ve survived, not now. I don’t care what anyone says, I won’t let it happen—I can’t.”
She reached up and set her hands on my cheeks. I could have laughed at the way I flinched. Even though my entire point had been to get that reaction from her, I’d been the one to blink first.
Figures, doesn’t it? She’s always been tougher than I am.
She stared into my eyes, and she didn’t need to say a word for me to get her point. She wanted to go back.
“Why?” I asked, dropping the play, not bothering to hide the quaking fear in my voice. “Why aren’t you jumping at the chance to run? This is what we wanted all along.”
She sighed softly, then pulled me closer and brushed her lips against mine. Funny that after how well we knew each other, after the time together, I could read her without her having to say a thing.
Worse, her kiss eased my berserker. No matter how badly I wanted to be angry, she sucked it right out of me. She broke the kiss and looked at me, a question in those soft hazel eyes of hers.
Would I follow? Despite my fears, my misgivings, would I trust her? Would I help her…
I let out a rough breath before resting my forehead against hers, still caging her in between the door and my body. A part of me wanted to figure this out right now, to go head-to-head until she gave in and saw things my way. I wanted to have her explain to me just what the hell she was thinking so I could tell her how wrong she was. Rather than that, however, I whispered the truth, the thing beneath all the churning rage inside me. “I can’t survive without you, Hera. Remember that whatever you choose to do, you’re gambling with more than just your own life.” I let the rest of my anger leave me and sagged against her. Then she kissed me, the touch gentle and sweet and a whole different sort of tension grew inside me.
No matter what I’d said before, I couldn’t force her to do as I wanted, but she’d understand how strongly I felt about her soon. I’d make the point and burn away my fears and anger with her body.
Maybe, after a few hours together, I wouldn’t feel so damned out of control.
* * * *
Hera
As it turned out, letting a berserker take out his anger on a person would leave them sore and tired. Sure enough, the aches and pains in my body said he’d worked out a lot of aggression.
And I’d enjoyed every last moment of it. Brax could be surly and difficult and passionate, but he could turn that same intensity on me.