She had something in her hand, and I narrowed my eyes at it.
“What’s that?”
She held it out to me without answering.
It wasn’t as if Hera was likely to turn on me at this point, so I took the item and peeked into the paper bag.
A box of animal crackers sat inside, making me frown. It was an odd gift, and I wasn’t sure I understood. “What’s this about?”
“You like them, don’t you?”
“I guess.” I set the bag on the counter, unsure what to say back other than a quiet, “Thanks.”
She tilted her head, as if trying to work something out. After a moment, her hands started to move.“You don’t remember?”
“Remember what?”
She pressed her lips together, then shook her head.“It doesn’t matter.”
I wanted to ask more, but let it go. Hera didn’t usually seek me out, and whenever she had, it hadn’t ever been for anything good. I focused on that. “What is it you want?”
“Can’t I come just because I want to see you?”
I didn’t bother to call her out for that but lifted my eyebrow instead.
She sighed.“I need some information.”
“What are you scheming this time?”
“Nothing.”
I snorted at the obvious lie.
“I know I’m on the list for Medical soon.”
Those words sent a chill through me. I recalled the last time, when I’d carried her back to her room, when she’d been drugged up and innocent and vulnerable. Why would they call her back again so soon? They were interested in how they could use her, but even with that, it seemed odd timing.
I wanted to tell her I could fix that, that I could get her out of it, but the words wouldn’t come out. They weren’t true. Instead, I had to be honest. “I have no access or control over Medical’s choices.”
“I’m not asking for that.”
“Then what?”
“I heard the drugs don’t work on some shades.”
I sat on the couch and nodded at the spot beside me for Hera. “Yeah, there are a few.”
“I need to know what types and how it works.”
“Why?”
She took the spot I’d indicated and faced me, so close her knee brushed me as she sat sideways.“Not being conscious last time was the worst part. I don’t want that, don’t want to have to question what happened, to feel that out of control.”
I understood that, but I didn’t like it. “I told you before that remembering isn’t all it’s chalked up to be.”
“That’s easy for you to say—you do remember. I keep wondering what else they might have done and not knowing keeps me up at night. I just don’t want them to be able to steal my thoughts. Larkwood has already stolen everything elsefrom me, but I don’t want them to have my mind, too. It’s all I get, and I want to keep it.”
I rubbed my temple as I blew out a long, slow breath. I wanted to tell her no for so many damned reasons. I wanted to say it because it was dangerous, because remembering it all would do nothing but cause her harm, because I didn’t want her to carry that pain.