Wade didn’t stop his gentle touch. “I wasn’t even sure if I should say anything. It’s not like there’s much that can be done, so I didn’t know if me telling you would be better, if you worrying about it for days would be better.”
“I can’t do anything if I don’t know,”I assured him.
He made a soft sound that neither agreed nor disagreed, as if just to acknowledge that he’d heard me.
“I’m surprised they’re taking you again so quickly. Medical rarely gives a damn about shades. Most only go there a time or two, and some never do after initial testing.”
“They said my source numbers are unprecedented. I knew it was coming.”
“I wonder why yours are so high…” He spoke with a distant tone, as if not addressing me at all. Then again, Wade was the type to talk to himself. “I’ve heard rumors about people working on a way to create stronger shades.”
“Why?”
“Because they probably want to weaponize us, and the stronger a shade is, the more useful. Plus, scientists always want to push the limits of what’s possible. Sometimes by creating something that shouldn’t exist, they discover secrets they hadn’t known before.”
I shook my head.“I wasn’t put into some lab before I changed. I’d remember that.”
“Maybe,” he said softly, telling me he didn’t agree but didn’t know either. “But the fact remains that if they want to do that, understanding how your body tolerated the extremely high levels along with looking into how it happened might get them closer to their goal.” His hand paused for a moment before his voice dropped. “What was Medical like?”
“You’ve never been?”
“No. They did my intake tests, though I don’t recall much of that. Since then, they’ll do yearly blood draws, but they don’t bring me to Medical for that. They just draw the blood and deliver it there. I’ve heard it’s…bad.”
“They drugged me, so I don’t remember most of it. I remember pain, though. I remember struggling and crying and they didn’t give a damn.”I grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it, showing the almost fully healed mark on my hip.“They took a bunch of samples. I had six of them taken, but I’d assume they took others that didn’t leave marks.”
Just saying that made me swallow hard. What I remembered was terrible, but not nearly as bad as what Ididn’tknow. They most likely took other samples—swabs from my cheeks, blood samples, hair samples, even ones from places on my body that I shuddered to consider too closely. That others had done that to me, that I’d had no say and no memory even, was so much worse than the pain of the exams.
It felt like another way to remind me that I wasn’t my own person, that I had no rights, that even my body wasn’t mine.
Wade made a soft, comforting sound as he ran his fingers through my hair. “Maybe it’s best not to remember everything. There are a few types of shades who can’t be drugged, who remember everything, and from what I’ve seen? That isn’t any better.”
I was about to argue with him until his words fully sank in.
“What sort of shades can’t be drugged?”
“I’m not sure of all the types. Vampires, some shifters when in their other form, phantoms. I’m sure there are others, but no one makes a list of them.” He paused, then asked with more than a little suspicion, “Why?”
I pulled up and off his lap, my mind moving as I tried to come up with a plan.“No reason,”I signed quickly before getting to my feet.“I’ll talk to you later.”
I caught the sound of him groaning as I rushed off, as if he knew I had some bad idea planned but also knew he couldn’t stop me.
Which was fair.
I needed to go see a certain grumpy guard and get his help.
And I wassurehe wouldn’t be happy about it.
* * **
Deacon
Having Hera in my room always made me nervous.
It was a stupid response, one that didn’t fit at all with our surroundings. Hell, we’d had sex multiple times, so why did I turn into some young man inviting a girl over for the first time just because she was in my place?
Because you’re a romantic idiot.
Hard to argue with that.