“I’ll be back to see you next week. I promise.” Colt lifts his mother’s hand to his lips and presses a kiss against the back of it. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re with me now.” My heart swells almost painfully when he says it. All this time, he wasn’t even allowed to mention her. It was like she never existed.
I hold his hand the whole way to the garage, only letting go once it comes time to get in the truck. “How do you feel?” I ask once we’re inside.
He doesn’t answer right away. “Better. I feel better. She looks good—I thought she would look a lot worse than that. But she looks like… Mom.”
“I’m really glad you got the chance to see her again. It’s like a miracle.”
“It would be a miracle if she woke up.” He tightens his grip on the wheel before sighing. “I know that’s not going to happen.”
He can face the truth about that, but he can’t face the truth about Nix. I guess because he’s seen his mom in person, for himself. Nix? That will always be a mystery, and he can’t let himself give up hope. I understand his feelings. I would probably feel the same way in his place.
It’s clear we’re both thinking about it throughout the ride back to the apartment. I moved in with him shortly after that terrible day. Piper got another roommate once I confirmed with the school’s administration that I’d be taking the rest of the semester off. We only had a couple of weeks as roommates, but it gave us back our friendship. I’ll never stop being grateful for that, especially since I don’t know how I’d be able to hold it together without her.
Not that living with Colt is terrible or anything like that. But it isn’t always easy to live together with all this shit between us. His undying hope that sometimes seems a lot more like delusion. All the terrible memories. There are moments when I look at him, and I might as well be back in that basement.
But I can’t leave him. I don’t want to, either. I don’t want to be without him, even if it means having to remember. It isn’t as if I’d be able to forget, anyway.
“I wish Nix could visit her.” He opens the refrigerator door and pulls out a bottle of water, which he opens and hands to me like it’s second nature before taking one for himself. “I think he’d feel a lot better if he did. I know I do. Like it’s a way of reminding myself why we had to do all that shit and keep his secrets.” He rarely, if ever, speaks of James. I’m certainly fine with that.
“You kept her alive. You did everything you could for her. I’m sure she would’ve done anything she could for you, too.”
He wraps his arms around me. “Thank you. I hope you know how much I love you.”
I lean into him, enjoying his warmth. “I love you too.”
The End