And all of a sudden, I'm in a shit position with a fighter on top of me that has an endless gas tank, and I can't seem to do anything about it because my brain is functioning at half speed. Less now, because of the punch.
Less still when Red starts raining down punches from his position on top of me.
I feel wetness on my cheek when he splits me open with one.
My ribs crack when he hits me with another.
"Aiden, you have tomove, you can't stay here. Let's get to the cage and stand up."
I grit my teeth and try to roll onto my side so I can scoot away, or at least get closer to the cage. I eat a few more punches in the process but when my back hits the cold wires of the cage, I exhale a breath of relief. I manage to create enough space between Red and I that I can get my feet under me, and then I'm standing.
But only for a moment, because as hard as I had to try to get to my feet, it's equally that easy for my opponent to get me back to the ground. And this time he's in a better position.
Which he immediately capitalizes on by aiming several quick punches to my face. I feel my eye start to swell.
And as his weight settles on top of me, with it settles such an overwhelming sense of dejection that for a moment, I can't breathe.
It's not just that I'm losing this fight, it's that I'm losingthis badly.It's the second round and I couldn't make it twenty seconds before being beat with the same thing that he hit me with in the first round; even after being told how to fight against his strategy, Istillended up on the ground. It doesn't help that my mental health was trash going into this fight, because it makes the desire to push through this and fight back that much harder. And all I want to do is take this ass-kicking and accept the fact that nothing in my life is going right. That I can't fight, can't do this thing that I invest so much of my life in and am so proud of, this sport that I thought I was good at. That I can't hold on to the things that make me happy, including Dani.God, I didn't fight for hereither. I just walked out and left her there at the first sign of trouble. No wonder she didn't want to be with me.
At that thought, all the fight goes out of me. I don't deserve Dani. I don't deserve to win this match. I'm just…losing.
"Aiden.Aiden.Come on, man, don't give up on me.Wake up!"
Jax's voice somehow filters into my subconscious. It's not enough to ignite a fire in me but I do bite down on my mouthpiece and grab hold of my opponent to stem the flow of punches. Thankfully, the ten second bell sounds and I only have to hold on for a few more seconds.
When the round finally ends my cheek is already swelling up and I can feel the blood coaching my face and neck from where his punches have split me open. I somehow manage to stagger to my feet and force myself toward my corner.
Coach pushes me onto the stool and immediately dumps water on my head. I'm vaguely aware of a towel wiping away the blood, of the cutman pressing cold metal to my swelling cheek.
"I know you're hurt," Coach says in the most calming tone he can muster. "I know this is a hard fight. But Aiden,thisis the difference between amateur and pro.Thisis where you show me you're a fucking champion. I know you have it in you, I wouldn't believe in you if you didn't.Show meyou deserve to be here."
On a normal day, a speech like that would be more than enough to light a fire. The fact that it doesn't now is a testament to how mentally fucked up I am.
"Come on, man, you can do this. You can win this fight, I know you can." Jax gives me encouragement from where he's standing on the outside of the cage. Even Remy is shouting something from the crowd. Neither does anything to help.
"Aiden. I need you to wake up," Coach commands, slapping my cheeks a few times. "You have one round, and I need you to leave everything in the cage. Throw everything you've got at him." He must see a blank stare in my eyes that usually means a fighter isn't present or really absorbing instructions because he barks, "What did I just say? Repeat it back to me."
"You said to leave everything in the cage," I repeat in a monotone voice.
I think I hear Jax mutter afuck.But I'm not sure because the ten second bell sounds that tells the coaches to wrap it up and get out.
As I stand from the stool, Coach gives me another encouraging nod before grabbing it and leaving the cage. I'm watching his path in such a daze that I almost miss Jax's words through the cage.
"Alrightlook, you asshole. I wasn't going to say anything, but you're seriously blowing this fight, so I'm hoping it can't get any worse."
I turn around in confusion. He's leaning against the cage and all but glaring at me, but he keeps talking in a rushed voice.
"I know the past two weeks have been hard. I know everything with Dani was shit timing. And normally I wouldn't say anything because I think you should pull your head out of your ass all on your own. But I know what it feels like to lose your girl, and maybe I'm being too soft, but fuck it." He takes a deep breath before jerking his head over his left shoulder. I try to see what he's nodding at but I can't make anything out over the chaos of the crowd.
"Dani's in the crowd," he says quietly.
My eyes widen and my head jerks around to look for her. And it's as if my eyes are already trained to find her, because I pick her out instantly in the crowd. She's not sitting in the gym section, but that’s okay, because she’s sitting with my dad instead.
God, she's even more beautiful than I remember. She's wearing that leather jacket that paints her bad bitch energy like nothing else can, and the long black hair that I love so much is falling in waves over her shoulders. The only thing that seems different about her is her facial expression.
In the place of her usual self-assured smirk, there's only… emptiness. Nervousness. Maybe some desperation. But none of it is happy, and the lack of joy on my girl's face is enough to gut me.
My girl.