"Now that I've what?" he accuses, grabbing his boxer-briefs off the floor and angrily pulling them on. "Now that I've caught feelings? Go ahead and say it, Dani, admitting it out loud is the first step to making this work."
My eyes widen at that. "There is nothing to make work! There is noit!"
At that, he rounds the bed in a flash, crowding me until I'm plastered against his body and staring up into his increasingly frustrated gaze. He doesn't actually touch me, but with how close he is, he might as well be. I feel his presence in every atom of my body.
"Stop lying to yourself. Just stop it. You're not changing anything, and you're only hurting us when you do it."
He must see something in my eyes—the fear, the panic,something—because his expression softens slightly. He hesitates before wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me tight against his body, his tone gentle when he asks, "Would it be so bad if there was an us? Would you hate it that much?"
And I'm not sure if it's the question or the vulnerability—thewant—in his eyes, but something makes the panic inside me peak. Something makes me push away from him and put distance between us, just enough that I can pull in a hasty breath and attempt to scramble my thoughts into order.
"Yes," I choke out. "Yes, it would be bad. Aiden, I’vedonethe boyfriend thing, and itsucks.It almost ended with me throwing away the most important thing in my life, and I absolutely refuse to do that again.” I hurriedly grab my pants and pull them on. “I told you I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, sostoppushing. Stop making me out to be the bad guy, when I've only ever been clear with you about what I want. Why are you making this so complicated?! Why would you try to make this more than it is? It's been months, and we've been fine!"
"Why?" he asks in a shell-shocked voice. When I turn to look at him he's just standing there, half-naked and looking as gorgeous as ever. "Why am I trying to make this more than it is? Are youkiddingme?"
I tear my gaze away from his, unable to make eye contact. A part of me knows what he's about to say, but the other part of me is hoping he's not about to take it there.
"You want me to say it?" he asks quietly. Desperately. "You want me to admit, out loud, that you're the most incredible woman I've ever met, and the only one I can think of anymore? That every time I evenseeanother woman, you're the one I compare her to? That I can't imagine anyone more amazing, or more perfect, than you?"
"Stop," I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut. "Just stop talking."
"I don't want to just be a fuck buddy anymore, Dani," he says bluntly, closing the gap between us again. "Even being your friend isn't enough for me anymore. I want your mind, and your passion, and your emotions, and anything else you're willing to give me. I want all of you."
"Please stop," I choke out in a whisper. I need him to stop talking, to stop making this worse, but—
"Dani, I—"
"Don't," I bark suddenly, flashing him a look that is equal parts angry and panicked. "Don'tsay it."
At that, his expression becomes one of sadness. His shoulders droop, his eyes fill with pain, and his hand comes up to stroke my cheek with the gentlest touch he's ever shown me. I realize in that moment what he's about to do.
"I have to, baby," he whispers, voice rough and filled with heartache. As if he already knows how this is going to end.
I plead with my eyes, plead with him not to do this, not to force this thing to end between us like this.
But his decision has already been made.
"I love you," he admits quietly. His thumb strokes my cheek where he's cupping my face, his gaze boring into mine as he admits the thing that is about to break us. "I fell in love with you the first time you ever spent the night in my arms, and I've loved you more fiercely in every moment after that." His eyes search my expression, search for something that might tell him he's not baring his soul for nothing. But all I can give him is a blank stare.
He sees that and swallows roughly. Nervously. "I know this scares you. I know you have this vision of love that is going to take away the things you care about, but I promise that's not—"
His words snap me out of my trance. I place both hands on his chest and shove him away from me, eager to put some distance between us so I canthinkfor a damn second.
"You don't know that," I manage to spit. "You have no reason to think this would end any differently than any other relationship. You might get bored, or maybe I will, or God forbid theoppositehappens and we end up sacrificing everything else we want out of life in order to be together. How would that make any of this worth it? How could you think that this is anything special, that we might be—?"
"Becauseyou'respecial, damnit!" he roars. "Becausethis connectionis special. How can you not see that?"
My eyes round with shock at his outburst. Aiden has never once yelled, and yet he truly seems to be at his wit's end right now.
He takes a deep breath before continuing. "I know this freaks you out. I know why you feel the way you do about relationships, and believe me, I get it, but… at some point you have to believe it's possible to make it work. That it’s worth it. Youhaveto."
Whether it’s the word choice or the fear that’s still choking me, I feel the words come out of my mouth that part of me has known all along I would one day end up saying to Aiden.
"I don't have to do anything. You don't get to tell me how to feel, Aiden, or what to do. You just have to accept the rejection for what it is."
It freezes both of us to the spot. We blink in surprise, looking at each other in disbelief that those words just came out of my mouth.
"That's not—" I stammer, immediately wanting to take the words back. Because hearing them out loud—hearingthose wordsused in a sentence with Aiden—didn’t feel the way I thought they would. They feel wrong,tastewrong, and suddenly, I'm terrified.