"I guess I just thought you couldn't get any job worth having without a bachelor's. It goes without saying that your resume is ten times stronger with a degree on it, so starting school seemed like the obvious thing to do. And obviously finishing it felt even more obvious, since I've already wasted two years of time and money."
"But why would you think it's so important? Mom and dadneverpushed college on us. They always told us there were plenty of other things that could be more important to our careers. Where would you get the idea that college is the end-all be-all?"
My eyes lock with hers, the answer lying unspoken between us. We both know exactly why I suddenly thought a degree was so important. I'm just sick of saying it out loud.
I'm sick of admitting that one person had so much fucking control over my mind and my emotions.
"It just seemed like the right thing to do," I murmur. "I felt like such a loser skipping a year after high school. All I did was work."
"And move to the city and get a job and make friends and learn a shit ton about life. That'sallyou did. And that's not even talking about the fact that you set down roots to find a place that is now offering youyour dream on a platter."
I start to pick at the label on my beer bottle. "So what am I supposed to do, just drop out? After I already spent two years of my time and money?"
"You can always go back if you really want to, it's not like it's a total waste. If you decide a year from now that it was a mistake to stop, you can go right back. No harm no foul." She looks at me with an almost pleading expression. Like she's begging me to understand what she's saying. "But the alternative if you don't do it is losing out on your dream."
I wince and drop my head into my hands. "This whole thing is crazy. I mean, we're talking about mebuying a café. What 21-year-old does that?"
Remy just shrugs. "If you were like other 21-year-olds, you wouldn't give a shit about wasting away your college years because you'd be more worried about getting drunk and laid. So I wouldn't put too much stock in that."
"But what if I fail?" I ask. "What if this turns out to be a huge mistake?"
She shrugs again. "It's a possibility. But it's even more likely that you'll rock it, just like you already are. Most of the pressure is in your head. But honestly, Hailes, it really just comes down to taking a chance. And as cliché as it sounds, you'll end up regretting the things you didn't do more than the things you did do. So it kinda feels like a no-brainer, although obviously you're the only one that can make that decision."
"Alright," I say softly. "You're right, it's worth thinking about, at least."
"Attagirl," Remy smiles. "And if you decide to not go through with it, I'll support you in that too. I still want you to do what feels right. I just don't want you to make any decision based on the wrong reasons."
I nod sullenly. "I know. I can understand that." I peer nervously at her, hesitating before I voice my next thought. "I'm sorry I freaked out on you after Jax. I'm sorry I've been a total bitch this week."
She waves me off again. And I’m once again reminded how much I appreciate my sister and my bond with her.
"You were upset, I can understand that. Nothing to apologize for." But then the easy expression on her face drops. "I'd be sad without Jax, too."
"Do you—" I swallow nervously and try again. "Do you think we're really over? Should I even think about what it would take to change his mind and get back together?"
Remy's smile is sad. "I wouldn't worry about anyone else for a little while, Hailes. You should focus on controlling your own happiness, by your own power. When you're ready, if you two still want to be together, you'll make it happen. I promise."
I choke back the tears that are threatening to overflow at the thought that it really is over with Jax. Maybe not forever, but for the first time in over a decade, I am truly without my best friend.
And it hurts so fucking bad.
But then I think about what Remy said, about taking some time to find my own happiness.
And suddenly, that doesn't sound like the worst idea anymore.
* * *
For the next week, I can't stop replaying both Remy's and Jax's words in my head. I've talked myself down from the defensive and furious reactions that come automatically, and instead have forced myself to think about why my two best friends—and the people that I admire the most in the world—seem to think that I need to be more selfish about my happiness.
I work at the café with my usual level of energetic professionalism. I have never wavered at my job, and over the course of these few days it becomes apparent just how good I am at it.
I handle the vendors and deliveries without issue, I have total control over my employees and everything that comes with managing people, and I easily handle customers with grace. Even Stacey compliments my iron control.
"Have you thought any more about my offer?" she asks me during one particularly challenging shift.
I swallow nervously. Ihavebeen thinking about it. Pretty much constantly. Not just about the café, but also about how school ties into this.
"I have," I answer. "And I have a few questions, if you have some time to talk today."