“You’re done,” Tristan barks. “Aiden, finish up with three blitz rounds on the heavy bag. I don’t care what you throw, but go as hard as you can for three rounds. I want you burnt out.” He jerks his head toward the bag room. “Max, you too. Coach is trying to get you on the January card so I need you ready.”
I fall back against the cage and watch the guys leave the room. Tristan takes a seat across from me, both of us leaning against the padded posts and not saying a word for a minute while we just stare at each other.
“It’s Hailey,” I grumble, breaking the silence.
Tristan just nods in understanding and waits for me to continue.
I look down at my feet, unable to meet his eyes for this part. “I think Remy was right, man. I think it was too soon.” I wince. “She… she doesn’t even know how to talk to me if it’s not sunshine and rainbows. It’s like the only relationship she knows how to be in is a toxic one.”
Tristan looks thoughtful for a moment. “You must’ve known that going in, though. That you’d have to hold her hand a little bit in the beginning.”
I look up with a pained expression. “I knew. I just didn’t expect her to fight me on it. I thought—fuck, I thought… it’sus. We’re Jax and Hailey. We’ve been able to communicate on the same wavelength since she was a kid. And now… now she either wants to fight me if I disagree with her, or just shove the whole argument under the rug. It’s just not what I thought we’d struggle with.” I let out a heavy exhale. “Sometimes I think I’m thinking too much into it, since it only really happens when we’re talking about school or work, but then other times I get this feeling that she’s holding her tongue with me. Like, she’s too scared to tell me how she really feels because she’s that uncomfortable with arguments or with making me unhappy. I just don’t know how to make her understand that disagreements aren’t the end of the world. That I won’t love her any less if she talks to me about these things.”
Tristan looks thoughtful. “It sounds like you need to show her how to communicate. We forget that she’s young but she is—she probably doesn’t know how to be a part of a healthy couple. Just be patient with her.
I groan and drop my head back against the post. “I’m trying, but I’m worried she’s going to start resenting me. We’ve had a couple of arguments that stuck with me because we weren’t able to work through them because she panics and then shuts down on me. And every time she makes a comment about me talking down to her. Which, I guess I can understand why she feels that way, but I can’t figure out how to talk to her about things without her interpreting it as condescending.” I swallow roughly and choke out, “I couldn’t handle it if she started hating me.”
“She could never hate you, you know that,” Tristan soothes me. “Just give her time. You guys will work through this.”
“What if I’m making it worse by being with her?” I ask quietly. Brokenly. “What if she has to work through this on her own? I’m worried that Remy was right—that Hailey needs space to figure things out by herself before she can be with someone again.”
I pause, letting the worries of the past few days overcome me for a moment. “And it’s freaking me the fuck out because if I let her go now she might never take me back,” I choke out.
Tristan doesn’t say anything. He just lets me sit there, staring blankly at the far wall as I let my mess of thoughts swirl over and over in my brain. I’m suddenly overrun by nerves, worry, hope, fear, everything. I feel everything. Because I have no idea what to do about Hailey or how this is going to work out.
I’m left with only panic.
Which Tristan sees immediately. “Go hit the bag,” he orders, standing up from the mat. He walks over to me and reaches a hand down to pull me up. “Go burn off your nerves and then go talk to your girl.”
* * *
Five rounds of bag work aren’t enough to clear my head—I’m still stuck in a downward spiral of fear and confusion by the time I walk out of the gym.
I can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t leading to a good place.
That thought leads to even more panic, as well as the need to see Hailey right away. I check the time and realize she’s probably finishing up work now, so I head straight for Remy’s apartment.
She’s already home by the time I knock on the door.
“Hey,” she says, sounding surprised. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”
I push into the apartment so I can close the door and gather her in my arms. “I missed you,” I murmur into her neck, taking a deep breath and inhaling as much of Hailey’s essence as I can get.
“I missed you too,” she says softly, wrapping her arms around me in return. “I was just about to call you to see what you wanted to do this weekend.”
“I don’t care, I just want to spend time with you.” I squeeze her tighter, that nagging feeling of worry tightening its grip on my heart.
She giggles into my chest. “I love when you miss me like this.”
I loosen my hold on her and start to pull away, murmuring, “Sorry. It’s been a weird day.”
She doesn’t let me go far, though, because she traps my arms where they hold her waist. “I didn’t say I minded it,” she says with a smile. But then she notices something on my face and frowns. “You have a black eye. Were you sparring today?”
I nod glumly. “Aiden and I went a few rounds.”
“Aiden?” she asks in surprise. “But you always beat him. What happened? Lucky shot?”
I shake my head. “Off day,” I grunt.