You're being ridiculous. Shape the fuck up and just do your job like you normally would.
Only, my nervous glances toward the door are wasted. Remy never shows up to her usual class.
By fifteen minutes after the hour, I realize I can't put off leaving any longer. I'm usually gone, or at least getting ready to leave, by the time the last class of the night starts. If I continue to hang around—desperate for a glance, a reaction,anything, from Remy—people are going to notice. I need to leave. She's obviously not coming.
I ignore my agitated brain that's trying to figure out what that could mean.
Relax. She might just be at work. Maybe she's sick. It could be anything. It's one day, calm the fuck down and stop reading into everything. Go home, you'll see her on Wednesday.
Only, she doesn't show up on Wednesday. Or Saturday.
I go from being desperate to see her, to frantic that something's wrong. It's not like Remy to not train, especially on Saturdays.
I debate asking Jax if he knows anything. If there's something going on, he'll know. But asking him about Remy will tip him off that something went down between us, so I need to phrase it in a way that doesn't make him suspicious. But I definitely need to ask because I'm going crazy with all the unknowns.
I find Jax in the lounge area, stretched out on the couch talking to one of the assistant instructors. I immediately relax at the sight—he wouldn't look so casual, or even be here at the gym, if there was something wrong with Remy.
"Hey, sorry man," I interrupt. Their laughter is cut short, and they turn toward me expectantly.
I try for a casual look as I plop down in the office chair behind the front desk. "Some people have noticed that Remy hasn't been here in a while. Lucy seems close-lipped about it so Aiden and the others just want to make sure she's okay. Any idea what's going on with her?"
Jax is silent for a moment as he stares at me with a curious expression on his face. I squeeze the armrests to keep from fidgeting—he can probably see right through me.
"She's fine," he finally answers. "She has a big deadline coming up at work, so she's been focusing on that, working late hours. Plus, she's been busy getting settled in the new apartment." He tilts his head and stares at me for another breath, and I think to myself,he definitely knows. "You can tell Aiden and the others that she'll be back when her schedule’s not so crazy."
I swallow nervously but nod.At least now you know she's fine. And her absence at the gym has nothing to do with you, you self-centered bastard. She's probably forgotten all about you.
I try to ignore the vicious thought as it pops into my head. Because if that's true, my barely-contained heart is definitely going to disintegrate into pieces and I'll never be able to get through the rest of my day.
I take a shuddering breath and turn back to the computer to try to distract myself.
Even though I know I don’t have a chance in hell at holding another focused thought for the rest of the night.
* * *
I don't have to go to the gym the next day. Sundays are typically my days off, though I often end up scheduling private lessons in the morning for some extra cash. But my day is empty of even that today. I don't have a single thing on my schedule.
Which means I have nothing to distract myself with. Nothing to do but to yet again let my brain wander down a hazardous path of 'why' and 'what if.'
My five-mile run this morning did nothing to drive away the perpetual ache in my chest. Sometimes, when I'm exhausted enough, my body is too tired to hurt and actually lets me shut down and sleep. It's the reason I've been overtraining and running myself into the ground.
Numbness and physical exhaustion are better than soul-deep pain.
I'm just about to start calling gym people to see who wants to get an extra workout in at the gym when my phone lights up in my hand.
Momis calling.
As always, I answer with a hesitant tone, since it's rare that she calls without a request. God forbid she calls just to say hi and to see how her son is doing.
"Hi, Mom. What's up?"
"Hi, honey. How's your Sunday?"
"Good. Relaxing. It's my off day so I don't need to be at the gym." I immediately wince when I realize I probably just walked myself straight into an invite to see the family.
"Oh, good," she chirps happily, and I can hear her clap her hands in delight. "Why don't you come over for dinner then? I thought we could spend a nice family dinner together. I'll even make your favorite dish for you."
I rub my temples tiredly. The last thing I want to do when I'm this exhausted is deal with small talk with my own family.