“Oh, Jasmine,” he said, holding me tightly against him. “But what will you do if we reject each other? You won’t have a mate anymore. It hurts me to think of you being mateless. You deserve to have a mate.”
My eyes brimmed with tears, and I sniffled to keep them from falling. “I’m not the only one. Blake also deserves a mate, and he doesn’t have one either. There are others. I’ll just have to find someone the old-fashioned way, or new-fashioned way I guess.” I chuckled sadly.
“Is that what this is about? Are you hoping to be with Blake?” He pulled away from me and looked at me. I could sense a pained feeling.
“No, it’s not. It doesn’t matter anyway. Blake’s made it clear that he doesn’t want a mate anymore.”
“Jasmine, I’m not saying this to convince you either way, but please believe Blake when he says that to you. I’ve never known him to be the type to care about any of the girls he’s been with. The only exception was Ria, and she was mated to him. So please don’t reject me if you’re hoping to be with Blake. I say this to you as a friend and someone that has come to care about you. I worry about Blake. He isn’t quite a brute like his dad, but there are a lot of similarities between the two of them. I just don’t know if he’s capable of loving anyone anymore. Losing Ria really fucked him up.”
I nodded as Luke held my gaze. After some time, I said, “Blake’s irrelevant anyway. I just don’t want you to be with me out of pity. And if that’s the reason you’re convincing me to stay with you, please stop. It makes it harder to fathom the rejection. I already feel a lot of pain when I consider it. And you fighting against it makes it harder. Just please be honest with me and tell me the truth. If you could choose between Lucy and me, who would you choose?”
He shook his head. “I feel a lot of pain when I think of rejection. It’s the same for me, Jasmine. And I’ve enjoyed this time that I’ve spent with you. I think we have a lot in common and, under normal circumstances, would have been perfect mates. I’ve regretted my life choices every single day since your birthday. I really screwed up something that should’ve been perfect and easy.”
“You’re avoiding the question I asked.”
“I know, it’s because I can’t answer it. I need more time to think about it.”
“Don’t you think that just the fact you have to think about it means something? Shouldn’t you be sure about the person you will be bonded to for the rest of your life?”
“Please, Jasmine,” he pleaded with me.
“Okay, take the weekend. But please let me know your answer by Monday. I don’t think we should drag this out anymore if your heart’s really with Lucy. As much as I am angry with her, I still care about her as a friend. Besides this, she has always been a good friend to me, and I’d rather not fight against her any longer. I don’t even know if it’s possible anymore, but I would like to have my friend back. And she deserves to be with the father of her baby if that’s what the father wants.”
Luke kissed me on the head and said, “You are too good for me, Jasmine, honest. I don’t deserve you. I will tell you my answer on Monday.” He gave me one last hug and walked away. I watched as he left the park and walked toward the packhouse. After he was out of my sight, I walked toward my car, a pain deep in my heart.
When I finally got behind the steering wheel, I cried. He didn’t tell me his answer, but I already knew what it was. I recalled one of our earliest conversations, when he had first invited me into the packhouse and said, “I just want you to understand why this is so hard for me. I can’t help but wonder if I break up with Lucy for us to be together if it will be enough. Will I be able to just walk away completely and never look back? You deserve someone who’s able to give you all of them. I’m just afraid that my feelings for Lucy will always hold me back from being able to do that.” I knew that I needed to gather enough strength to properly reject him on Monday.
Chapter 56
Jasmine
OnSundaymorning,Iawoke to my phone vibrating next to me. I rolled over to find that Lucy’s mother was texting me. I quickly unlocked my phone to see the text messages.
Ivy: Good morning Jasmine
Ivy: I hope you are well. We miss seeing you. Haydon and I do not have any hard feelings toward you and we both hope that you and Lucy will one day be able to be friends again.
Ivy: I am messaging you as I hope you are still willing to meet my friend Katie and her son. They will be here for Thanksgiving and we made reservations at a restaurant on Wednesday for dinner. I can pick you up at 5. Lucy won’t be there so no need to worry.
I stared at my phone wondering why Ivy was so adamant about me meeting her old friend and son, especially If she wasn’t even bringing Lucy. I had almost forgotten that I had bumped into her in the grocery store almost a month ago. It seemed like a lifetime ago after everything that had happened since then. While I had been so curious to meet Katie previously, and learn more stories about Ivy’s and my dad’s high school days, it now felt like a last priority. It was especially unappealing considering I’d be forced to spend time with Lucy’s family, a bitter reminder of everything that had gone wrong.
But I had previously agreed, and a part of me was still curious. I finally replied confirming I would attend and see Ivy on Wednesday at five. Then I rolled over and sighed. I’d tossed and turned all night, falling in and out of sleep, stressed from Luke’s impending decision.
I got out of bed, feeling unrested. I went downstairs to the kitchen where my dad was having breakfast.
“Good morning,” he said as soon as he spotted me.
“Good morning,” I replied groggily. My parents had been acting weird since the other night. They had always seemed so aligned and in sync, as if they were two halves of a whole. But something about the news of Lucy’s pregnancy had caused them to detach from each other.
“How are things with Luke?” my dad asked, looking at me curiously.
I went to grab for cereal and a bowl. I wondered how much I should share. I had never shared anything more than the most superficial with my parents. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to open up to them now. It felt unnatural. Finally, I said, “Fine.”
My dad stared at me. I was uncomfortable as I pulled milk out of the fridge and a spoon out of the drawer. When I sat down, he spoke again. “When you say ‘fine,’ what does that mean?”
“It means things are fine,” I replied, feeling trapped by the fact that I’d now have to sit at the kitchen table with my dad while I ate. I couldn’t get up and go somewhere else without it being completely awkward.
“Jasmine,” he said softly. “I’m your father and I will support you no matter what happens between you and Luke. I understand both your and his predicament, more than you know. Don’t worry about your mom. She will come around to whatever you decide.”