“It’s not that I can’t believe it. She has a lot of good qualities. But between you and her, I would have put a hundred bucks on you. And I don’t want to trash Lucy because, like I said, I love her too. But you’re just more what I would expect a beta to want.”
“Lucy’s really beautiful though. You even said that half the reason we have all the customers we do is because of Lucy.”
“She’s beautiful, but that’s not why. It’s because she flirts with all of them, and they love all the attention. Either way, beauty doesn’t make someone love you. And you’re beautiful too. Just in a different way than Lucy.”
“Not like Lucy at all. Men cross rooms for her.”
She shook her head. She was about to say something when a customer walked in. I took my place at the register to take the order and Valerie walked out back. As I worked, I started to wonder if I could reject Luke. Something deep within me was struck with pain as the thought crossed my mind. It would not be easy. It was unnatural. We were mated to each other, and we would be fighting against our fate to reject each other.
I didn’t personally know anyone who had rejected their mate. I’d heard about it throughout the years. People would tell stories that you had no way to know if they were true or not. I suddenly wished I knew their stories. What had gone so wrong in their mate bond that they chose to reject their mate? Did they have a story similar to mine? It gave me comfort that I wouldn’t be the only one.
Valerie left at one thirty and then I was alone. I pondered my relationship with Luke until it was time to close. Any time it crossed my mind to reject him, I could feel my inner wolf howling with pain. I may as well have been considering suicide—with eternal darkness as the only result. I didn’t know if I’d be able to go through with it. But either option seemed daunting.
When I locked up at four, I was shocked to see Luke waiting for me outside. “Let’s go for a walk,” he said, taking my hand and walking me toward the central park. Once we’d fallen into a stride, he said, “How was work?”
“It was okay,” I replied. “How was your day?”
“To be honest, not great. We have an impending war on our hands, and I’m trying to fix things with both Lucy and you.”
“Impending war? Does it have to do with the wolves you rescued me from?”
“Kind of. They were definitely casing our pack territory. But the war isn’t because of them. The alpha of the Bois Sombre Pack wants revenge after all the males in his family were killed by our pack in the battle that happened five years ago. Plus, he hasn’t given up on getting his mate back—I’m sure because being away from her has made him and his pack weak. He’d probably take another mate if possible, but since he can’t until she dies, he’s probably becoming desperate now. And, even if she did die, the pain from losing her would never go away. It doesn’t help that he was unhinged to begin with.” Luke let out a deep breath.
“Wow.”
“Anyway, this is along the lines of why I wanted all of us to take some time to really consider the permanence of the situation. There’s no divorce from a mate bond. Once we mark each other, that’s it—we’re bonded for life. I know I am only repeating everything you already know. But it’s something that’s weighed heavily on my mind. I don’t want to make a mistake and force either you or Lucy to suffer with it for the rest of your lives.”
“I get it,” I replied, feeling my stomach churning and my chest tightening, a deep unease coming over me.
“I know you do, and I appreciate you being so understanding.” Luke pulled me against him for a hug. “But Lucy isn’t understanding at all. I’m really trying, Jasmine. I want you to know that.”
“Are you though?” I asked.
He let out a deep breath and said, “I’m being pulled in so many directions between leading the pack into war, becoming a father, and trying to be a good mate. I didn’t know this would all be so hard. I wasn’t prepared to take on so much responsibility all at once.” He slumped his shoulders and his voice was heavy with emotion. “I keep screwing everything up. Maybe if it was just one of those things I could have handled it, but everything’s coming down on me at once.”
He paused, shook his head, and continued, “I know it’s not fair to you. But, Goddess, Jasmine, I want you to know at least that I do care. I’m not trying to hurt anyone. I wish there was a handbook or something I could read so I knew what to do. But I feel like I’m just grasping at straws, and I keep pulling the wrong one.”
I reflected on what he said, and I felt some empathy for him, understanding his struggle. But did he understand mine? I wasn’t sure. He let me go and took my hand again so we could walk into the park. He led me over to a bench so we could sit down, and then turned toward me, putting his hand on my leg, rubbing my knee.
We sat there, looking at each other. I wrapped my arms around myself to warm myself as the cold breeze blew. Upon seeing my reaction to the cold, Luke pulled me against him. I snuggled into his warmth and into the dulled sparks his body emitted as it touched mine through our jackets. The familiar feeling of calm and arousal came over me, and suddenly I couldn’t be close enough to him. Luke rubbed his hands up and down my back and I inhaled his delicious scent. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else in the world.
After some time of just snuggling against each other, Luke spoke again. “I’ve thought about it, and I want to make this work, Jasmine. I’m going to speak with Lucy and ask her to give me some more space. I have no idea if she’ll comply“—he chuckled—”but I’ll at least try for the sake of our mate bond.”
“Is that what you really want to do?” I asked, and further clarified, “If we weren’t mates, would that be what you want?”
He looked into my eyes and took my hands in his. “But we are mates, Jasmine. You can’t separate that from the issue now. We’re supposed to be together. And, either way, you have a family that wants us to be together and has the power to ensure the bond’s honored. As beta, I have a duty to the pack to avert any threats. It will be the same for you once you become a beta mate.”
I realized then and there that his heart wasn’t in the relationship, even with the power of the mate bond. Maybe over time he would come to love me. But wasn’t that a huge risk knowing how permanent the bond was? Like he said, there was no divorce. We’d be bonded until one of us passed away, and even then, the bond would affect us, driving us possibly to insanity at the loss of our mate. After juggling all my thoughts in my mind, I finally spoke.
“There’s something I didn’t tell you the other night, Luke.”
“What is it?” He searched my eyes.
“My family won’t threaten the pack. My mom wanted to call her brother, I assume for exactly the reason you guessed at. But my dad didn’t let her. He wants you to have a choice. He said he had his choice taken away, but he won’t take yours away. I don’t know what he was talking about. As far as I know, my parents have only ever been with each other, and they’ve always been happy with the mate bond since they met in college. With the way they are, I can’t imagine that not being the case. But, either way, he wants you to have a choice. So, if you’d rather be with Lucy, you can be with Lucy. I want you to know that.”
“But what about the temple wedding?”
I looked at him, feeling my throat tingle with the threat of tears. “If that’s the only reason you want to be with me, then I don’t care about the temple wedding anymore.”