He doesn't smile like he normally does when a cuss word escapes my mouth. “This is the only way,” he explains. “I pulled three listening devices out of the house.. The feds aren't done with me. They aren’t satisfied with what they found and they took the bedsheets from this morning, Raya.”
This news makes me freeze. Those bedsheets are going to tell them everything they need to know. They'll know that I was a willing participant. And that part of me, that tiny little part that I shoved down, comes roaring back to life. For a split second, I worry about my father finding out about my own depravity. I could picture the look in my mother's eyes, the judgment I'd hear in her words. Going home isn't an option now.
It makes me wonder if this search for me would stop once they heard the news. If they would just wash their hands completely of the entire situation. They have to know I didn't leave willingly, but what kind of sick person enjoys the things that I did. That voice in my head that has been telling me that I'm disgusting is louder now than ever. But despite all of it, even if given a second chance to do it all over again, I think the outcome would be the same. I think that I would still reach for his hand as he guided me into the hole.
“Are there bugs down here?” I ask, feeling silly. The words don't reflect the gravity of the situation. Liam must feel the same way because he laughs.
“I’m sure there are all sorts of things down here.”
I want to smack his chest and tell him that this isn't funny, but I don’t know if we’re there yet. I don't know that he would ever be the type of guy to be okay with me doing that to him.
“It's going to be fine,” he whispers in my ear. “Just get all the way through. The hole and the tunnel open up at the end.”
I shift to the side, my skin cold despite the warmth in the air.
“I’m afraid of enclosed spaces,” I confess.
“I will never let anything happen to you,” he says, giving my back a small push to urge me forward. “Once we get to the end of this part of the tunnel, I'll pick you up and carry you.”
It's enough to get me moving. I startle when the hole lights up. I turn around and glare at him and the flashlight he’s holding in his hand.
“Couldn't you have led with that?” I snap, irritated for how silly it was for me to be scared in the dark.
He's the monster. He told me once if there's anything to be afraid of, it's him. But as my eyes search his, fear is the very last thing that I feel, at least directed at him.
I fear getting caught. I fear getting confronted by other people wondering where I've been for a month. I fear that my explanation wouldn't be enough.
Father has too much power for things to just be okay. I pause at the end of the narrow hole, hearing Liam close the door to the hidden room before replacing the back panel. I know we'll never get to come back here and that saddens me more than it probably should.
The second he clears the hole he picks me up just like he promised. I don't hesitate to wrap my arms around his neck and press my nose into his skin. When he squeezes me, I hold him even tighter.
Chapter 29
Liam
Federal agents or even those Blackbridge guys could be running up on our asses at any moment, but when she tucks her nose into my throat, I find myself slowing. I want this moment to last forever. I want to always feel the warmth of her body pressed against mine. I want her against me, touching me.
I’m not a man who lets himself hope very often. I'm a man of action. I don't often allow myself to wish for things I know I can't have. And Raya is no different.
She may have chosen to stay, but that doesn’t mean she's choosing me. And even if she chooses me in this moment, it doesn't mean she'll stick around. Freedom is a hard-fought thing for many people, and she's no different.
As I walk, I try to prepare myself for the inevitable fallout. She won't want to stay with me forever. She's eventually going to come to her senses and realize what a monster I actually am. Comfort in a secluded home isn't the same as having to run forever, and that's what we'll have to do.
If by chance she does choose me, if she wants to stay with me, we'll always be on the run. We’ll always have to look over our shoulders. I always run the chance of us being found. They’d return her home, and I’d be sent to prison. I'm fully in the mindset of let's just see how long this can last because giving her up a second before I have to isn't an option.
I feel the warm press of her lips against my skin. I swallow against the rush of emotions I'm incapable of handling right now. I look down at her, giving her a soft smile without actually telling her exactly how much I enjoy it. She doesn't return the smile like she often does.
The motion activated lights along the tunnel make it easy to see the heat and desire filling her eyes. But before I can tell her now isn't the time, her lips are on mine. I had the strength to pull back earlier, but the man with control can no longer be found.
Her kisses are hot and deep, full of a longing that makes me wonder just how long she's wanted it to happen. I've wanted my lips on hers since the moment I watched her down on the beach. Nothing is like the fantasies. The images in my head were incapable of describing the warmth of her body against mine. The way her fingers curl into the back of my neck is as if she's desperate to get closer.
I pull back and take a breath, looking down at her kiss-swollen lips.
“You stayed,” I whisper. “All you had to do was stay standing on that front porch and you'd be halfway home by now.”
She shakes her head as if the idea is ridiculous. “I'm exactly where I want to be.”
I kiss her again, holding nothing back. When she shifts her weight in my arms, I don't hesitate to turn her body against mine so we’re lined up in all the right places. The warmth between her legs isn’t hindered by the sweats she's wearing. The t-shirt on her torso does nothing to conceal her pebbled nipples.