Nothing good would come of clicking on it.
It would only make me feel bad and rip open old, barely healing wounds.
And yet…
My finger was tapping it before I’d consciously thought to do it.
At first, my feed was the normal pictures of friends and family eating out, their cute pets, and even cuter kiddos. I was half convinced that Lyla had overreacted, blew something little way out of proportion.
And then I saw it.
A bunch of pictures from Danny and Shana’s gender reveal party. Danny’s hands on her burgeoning belly. The huge grin on his face as pink streamers rained down on them. The two of them kissing under a hail of pink confetti and bubbles.
They were having a girl.
A baby girl.
The pain in my chest about crippled me. My phone dropped to the floor with a muffled thud, then my ears swam as I curled into myself. Everything I’d ever wanted was happening forthem.
Sobs racked my body as I gave into the pain.
Why?
Why wasn’t I the one feeling my baby kicking in my belly?
Why couldn’t that be me?
It would never be me.
Never.
God.
It hurt so much.
I cried for I don’t even know how long. Until my head and chest ached from my sobs.
Until I didn’t have any tears left.
I should’ve listened to Lyla. Knowing was so much worse than wondering.
But I couldn’t sit out here all night crying on someone else’s couch. God, I didn’t even have my own couch.
I used my shirt to mop up the mess streaming down my face, leaving smudges of mascara all over it. Not that I gave a damn.More than anything, I wanted a glass of wine the size of my head, but I was still responsible for a tiny human, so that was out of the question.
I sat up, picked up my phone, and tried to gather enough energy to get off the couch and climb the mountain of stairs to my room. But I couldn’t. I just sat there and stared at my black phone screen. Part of me was glad I couldn’t still see the pictures, but it didn’t really matter—they were seared in my brain. When I closed my eyes, I could see that expression on Danny’s face. His hands on her round belly.
The life that should’ve been mine.
“Everything okay?” A deep voice asked above me.
I jumped, and my phone went flying into the air.
Straight at Kingston Grier’s body.
He flinched as the phone bounced off his chest before it clattered to the floor for the second time tonight.
I couldn’t bring myself to give a crap whether it was broken or not. At least that way I couldn’t torture myself with pictures of them.