Finn followed Zadie’s gaze to Joel, who was now a hundred yards down the shore digging through a pile of driftwood. High above him, the halo of gulls called out to each other and the sea.
Joel stayed in the motel room that night while the girls slept in the tent. Zadie blocked the door with her body so that if Finn had another echo and tried to leave, she would have to crawl over Zadie to do so. Thankfully her sister slept soundly, and so did she.
The next morning Zadie woke to the sound of her name being whispered by a silhouette on the nylon door. She leaned forward and unzipped it, being careful not to disturb her sleeping sister. Joel poked his head inside. “Can I talk to you?”
“Yeah. Sure…” Zadie crawled out of her sleeping bag and followed him down to the waves. He held his bucket hat in one hand and a plastic grocery bag in the other. “I considered leaving without telling you,” he began, staring out at the ocean, unsmiling. “Then I realized that would be an asshole move.”
Zadie was momentarily dumbstruck. “Wait… where’s this coming from? Does this have to do with the other night? Joel, I’m really sorry, but—”
“You don’t think we should date again. I know.” His voice was calm, measured, as if he had practiced this conversation already in his head. “I knew that’s how you felt the second I kissed you.”
Zadie blushed with shame. “Why didn’t you leave then? Why now?”
“Because that’s not why I’m leaving,” he said, defensive. Then, regaining his composure, “At least it’s not the only reason.”
Zadie’s first instinct was to beg him to stay, but then she realized that would be selfish. Joel had loved her once—and maybe still did—but what she had given him in return wasn’t love at all. It was grief in love’s clothing. She had worn the disguise well, well enough that she herself hadn’t realized she’d used Joel to fill a void, one thather mother had left, and it didn’t matter how Joel contorted himself, how many limbs he disjointed, he would never quite fit.
And now he was trying to let her go, and she owed it to him to not make it harder than it had to be. “I get it. I really do. I still care about you. You know that, right?”
“Stop it. You’re giving me déjà vu.”
“Déjà vu?”
“You said the exact same thing when we broke up.”
Zadie fought the urge to explain to him what déjà vu really meant. “I still mean it.”
“Do you want to know the real reason I’m leaving?” Based on the hard look on his face, Zadie wasn’t sure she did. “It’s because I think you’re making a huge mistake.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Finn.” Joel’s mouth was a tightrope. “She could have died in those woods. Now you’re dragging her out here?”
“I didn’tdragher anywhere. This is what she wants.”
“Do you think she’s really in a position to be deciding anything? Have you seen her lately? She’s a zombie, Zadie.”
“She’s just tired.”
“Those echoes are messing with her head.”
“She promised me she has it under control.”
“Oh, yeah,” Joel scoffed. “She can barely walk or speak, but everything is cool, I guess.”
Zadie’s temper was a pilot light and Joel had just struck a match. “Who are you to tell me what’s best for my own sister?”
“What about Finn’s foster parents?”
“What about them?”
“Shouldn’t they have a say in what’s going on here?”
“They have nothing to do with this.”
“What are you talking about? They’re her family, Zadie!”
“I’mher family! I’m not going to let you or anyone else take her from me.”