But she was right to be guarded. Because there was no way in hell I could give her what she was looking for. If sex meant she’d catch feelings, then I needed to see myself out. Except I couldn’t pry myself away from her. Even when it was probably the best path for everyone involved.
“Maybeyou’llchange your mind,” she said, poking my chest.
“About just having fun?”
“Yeah. Ever thought about having a girlfriend?”
I smirked. I hated this line of questioning almost as much as I hated when people acted so daft about what the CTO could possibly do in a business like ours. It all boiled down to the fact that people didn’t understand who I was or how I operated.
I wasn’t like most people. I’d come to terms with that. I was an introvert who needed death metal and solitude to function. Axel wasn’t wrong about that. And I didn’t buy into the traditional family setup.
I’d had the traditional family once, and it had been ripped from me with no warning, for no reason. A freak car accident on Christmas Eve left four kids orphaned and thrust into the foster system. I’d been lucky enough to find a stable, traditional family a second time with the Fairchilds…and now that, too, was in the process of crumbling.
Going anywhere near traditional family would only spell disaster. I knew it down to my bones. After losing both Jordan and Kaylee, I didn’t deserve stable and long-lasting. Not when my two little sisters hadn’t been able to even hope for the same. I’d been their big brother, their guiding light…and look where I’d led them.
The guilt didn’t tear at me so much as constantly simmered in the background, infusing my daily life like failure-scented incense.
Bona fide romances were a non-option. Not with how much the business demanded from me. Not with this investigation hanging over my head. Not when I’d failed the two girls closest to me. Not when there was a consistent pattern of very bad things following any remotely good thing in my life. I had a million and one reasons why romance wasn’t in my personal deck of cards.
But she didn’t need to know all that.
“The full list of reasons of why I need to keep things casual would only bore you,” I told her. “And besides, you’re not my therapist. And if you were, then we couldn’t date anyway.”
Her smile softened. “Not even someday?”
“Jessa, it’s not for me. I respect your boundaries, you respect mine. That’s how it works, right?”
Her smile sank until it wasn’t even a smile anymore. “You’re right.”
“Then it’s all good.” I leaned forward, ending the conversation with a kiss.
Because it would be…as long as we stuck to the limits that each of us needed.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
DAMIAN
Almost a week later, I was starting another Monday morning at the office a little too early, winding my way through the hallways and already imagining the sexy glance that Jessa would give me when I saw her for the first time that day.
“Damian! You’re early…again!” Axel waved at me from down the hall that led to the conference room. “Just come straight to the conference room. Francis and I are here already.”
I ground my teeth. I’d wanted to use my thirty minute grace period to catch up with Jessa in my office. We’d been“catching up” every morning and afternoon, and sometimes evenings. I’d given her thirteen orgasms in the past week. Not that I had been keeping track or anything.
And all of that catching up was without taking our clothes off. They were simply heated, lip-locked encounters against the back of my door or on top of my desk or in my executive chair, my fingers buried in her pussy, all of my attention focused on her pleasure. After all, she had a serious orgasm deficit to make up for.
It wasn’t sex, and she wasn’t my girlfriend. This was perfectly fine.
“Let me grab my stuff,” I called out to him.
“Come on. Let’s get started. I’m ready to fucking vibe.” Axel jerked his head in the direction of the conference room.
I set my jaw. I needed to see Jessa first. “Your vibes can wait until I grab my shit and take a leak.”
He made rapid circles with his index finger. “Come on, bro. Genius doesn’t wait.”
I rolled my eyes and set off for my office. Once I rounded the corner, Jessa’s angelic beauty awaited me, peering at me from beneath thick, dark lashes. My heart skipped a beat as I watched the sly grin blossom on her face, the pink hinting at her cheeks. Today’s dress was navy, which paired well with her crystalline gaze. By the time I approached her desk, my heart was pounding. We couldn’t stop grinning at each other, an entire conversation flowing between us via only our eyes. What in the fuck was going on here?
“Good morning,” she finally purred, once we’d been staring at each other for probably far too long.