“You deserve love, Damian,” Jessa said in a low, trembling voice. “You deserve all the good things. You might not believe it, but I do. Your brothers do. We all believe it so much that someday, I know you’re gonna believe it too.”
“Well, since the investigation was announced, the anxiety has increased tenfold. I’ve been drinking more than ever. Working more than ever. My brothers have been worried.”
“I’mworried,” she added softly.
“I don’t want to keep going like that,” I whispered. “Not while I’ve got a chance to turn things around. I’ve seen what happens when people get chances and just let them pass by. You know probably better than anyone, after everything your mom’s put you through.”
Her bottom lip trembled, and she nodded.
“I want to be better because you deserve better,” I said.
“Andyoudeserve better,” she rushed to add. “You have to do this for yourself, Damian.”
I grinned. “You knew I wasn’t gonna say that part, huh? Fine. I want to be better because Jessa Walton says I deserve better, and I believe everything that woman says, so if she says it’s true, then it must be true.”
Her eyes watered as she bit back a smile. “Now you believe me, huh?”
My gaze fell to her lap, coasting over the geometrical pattern of her dress, up over her coat, up to her hands clutching the chain links of the swing.
“Can I?” I reached for her, and she unclenched her hand, allowing me to cradle it in mine. I brought her knuckles up to my lips, making sure her eyes were on me.
“Jessa Walton…”
She swallowed, eyes widening. “Oh lord, Damian.”
I laughed, then pressed another kiss to her knuckles. “This isn’t a playground proposal.Yet.But I have to kiss you somewhere or I’m going to fucking unravel.”
Pink stained her cheeks, and she batted her eyelashes at me. “Go on.”
“Jessa Walton…you are gorgeous. Your smile is medicine, and it’s the only thing I need to function in the insanity of life. Your entire being calms my raging anxiety, and just one glimpse of you has the power to calm, excite, and make me harder than fucking iron. I want to be your man, for as long as you’ll have me. Even though I don’t think I deserve you, I can only hope that someday I’ll be worthy of you. Will you please, for the love of God, be my girlfriend?”
She covered her mouth with her free hand, giggles erupting. “Now that was the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”
I brushed my lips over her knuckles again. “I need an answer here, Jessa. I’m dying.”
“Of course I will!” She nearly shouted it, laughter edging her words. “You big doofus, I’ve been your secret girlfriend for almost fifteen years. How could I say no to you? Especially after you’re aiming to plant ten of my favorite trees on your property? Sign me up, baby.”
I wanted to celebrate, but I needed to ask the big question first. “Would you be willing to wait for me if I go to prison for ten years?”
Her eyes softened and she touched my cheek with her fingertips. “Is that what they’re thinking you’ll get?”
“Nobody knows yet. But it’s definitely on the table.”
“Damian, I’ve waited fifteen years for you. Ten more is nothing. Even if it happens, which I know it won’t, we’ll find a way to make it bearable.”
For once, in the face of such abysmal anxiety and uncertainty about the future, I felt hope. I believed Jessa. Together, we would find a way to make it bearable. Axel’s words returned to me:You should still try to enjoy life. We’ve got our freedom right now.
Maybe that was part of what I had to come to terms with. Being okay with not knowing what the future held and making the most of what I had right in front of me.
And what I had in front of me here was everything I fucking needed.
I scraped my teeth over her knuckles, making sure she knew what I was getting at. “May I kiss you?”
“Please,” she whispered, and I took her face in my hands, stroking my thumbs over her cheeks as I dove in for the kiss I’d been waiting for.
Our lips met hungrily, sloppy, desperate kisses unfolding, far more explicit than what this playground normally saw. Thankfully there were no children here on this chilly December dusk. Jessa whimpered, her head turned up to receive my kisses as she white-knuckled the swing.
We broke for air when darkness had fully settled on the park. My headlights were the only thing illuminating our encounter. My cock was throbbing, and I hadn’t even gotten to the best part.