Ma brings them to him while Joey gets me into my snowsuit, slides my stocking cap onto my head and then wraps a woolen scarf around me so only my nose is sticking out. He takes one pair of socks and puts them on my hands, pulling them up over the sleeves of my snowsuit nearly to my elbows. He shoves my mittens on my hands after that. I can’t move my thumbs but I don’t care. He takes the other pair of socks, slides them onto my little feet, and then makes me step into the plastic bread bags and then into my boots.
“Look at that, Ma,” he says. “How can she not stay warm?”
Ma laughs. “All right, Joe. But you bring her back in one piece, and not frozen.”
“Will do.”
“That afternoon,” I tell Miles, “with the sun shining down on the sparkling snow, and Joey and his two friends taking turns pulling me on the sled, is still one of my best memories.”
He chuckles. “Could you even move in that getup?”
I shake my head and can’t help the small chuckle. “Not really, but I didn’t have to move. I just had to stay on the sled.”
Miles’s eyes crinkle at the corner as he gives me a smile. “That sounds great, baby. I wish I’d had a little sister to take sledding.”
I warm at the thought. Miles would have been a great big brother. Protective and bossy, but in a good way.
“Central Park was always too crowded,” he continues, “but sometimes I went upstate with my grandmother.”
“Did you?” He hasn’t mentioned anyone in his family before besides his mom. The woman who was Jonathan Bridger’s second wife.
“Yeah. Until my mom alienated her, too,” he grumbles.
Funny. When my mom and dad divorced when I was eight and Joey was eighteen, Mom got custody of me, and I hardly saw my father or brother after that. My dad stopped being my dad, and it’s been a long time since I’ve seen him. He lives outside Billings in tiny house, and last I heard he’s pretty much a drunk.
But what I went through sounds tame compared to Miles’s life. It can’t be more obvious how his father wanted nothing to do with him. Or Austin. And what of Chance? They lived together on the ranch but from what I see, Chance hates the guy just as much. Maybe more.
I don’t let myself dwell on the memory of Joey often, as it makes me miss him, makes me sad at what I’ve lost. When I found out he’d disappeared, it was a brick to my gut. Now that I know he’s gone for good? That memory is all I have, and I want to hold it close to my heart. Joey will always be the big brother who took me sledding on that wonderful snowy afternoon.
“What do you need?” Miles asks. “You want me to start the shower for you?”
“Yeah. I want to wash this day away.”
“Oh, baby, I wish I could wash the day away for you, especially any part where I made you sad or upset. But life doesn’t work that way.”
“I just wish I knew what he was doing.” I sigh. “If he was hauling freight to Canada, how did he get on your property? And if he wasn’t hauling freight, which I’m betting he wasn’t, then whatwashe doing? How did he…die?”
“You heard Peterson. It’s going to be difficult to find the cause of death. There was clearly no blunt trauma, and it’s been too long for toxicology to be accurate with his body.”
I can’t help a wince. Thinking of my brother as “a body” feels all kinds of wrong.
He sighs and pulls me close. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Sadie. I shouldn’t have said any of that.”
I cling to him once more. “It’s okay. It’s the truth. Just hard to hear. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. He’s gone. He’s been gone, but now we can find answers. I’ll have to face it soon enough. We both will, even though you’re no longer a suspect and, as you told Peterson, I’m probably no longer on the case. Peterson doesn’t expect to see us until Monday, but I know who we can talk to for answers.”
“Who?” His brows draw together as he strokes my hair.
“My father.”
“You know where he is?”
I nod. “I’ve got a pretty good idea.”
“Okay. Tomorrow, we’ll go see him.”
Good. Tomorrow will come soon enough. “For tonight though, I need to let it go.”
He nods and brings my fingers to his lips, kisses the tips. “Okay. I understand.”