“I’ve been thinking about that, too.”
I lift my head off his shoulder to look at his face. “I meant that as a joke.”
“I didn’t.” He turns to face me, serious again. “It seems that when I wasn’t looking, you and I have become a pair.”
“You were looking, but you weren’t ready to admit it.”
“I’ve been in such a daze these last few years, confused about what I’m supposed to do without them. Some days, I don’t even know who I am anymore, and that was never something I questioned before.”
“Grief upends everything.”
“Yeah, and it clarifies some things.”
“Such as?”
He reaches out to caress my face, triggering a shiver of desire I feel everywhere. “I’m not sure when or how it happened—and it happened long before this past weekend—but at some point, in this ridiculously awful journey we’re on together, you’ve become my true north. Yours is the voice in my head telling me what to do when I’m not sure how to handle something. You’re the one I want when the prosecutor calls and turns my day upside down.”
I don’t even try to stop the flood of tears brought on by his sweet words.
“I’ve been afraid to care about someone else, especially a someone who comes with three precious kids who’ve suffered their own terrible loss.”
“Why are you afraid?”
“I’m afraid of caring too much because I couldn’t bear another loss. It’s been easier for me to stay solo, so I didn’t have to worry about that. But a funny thing happened on the way to staying single.” He leans his forehead against mine as he continues to stroke my cheek. “Youhappened. You’re like this ray of light that makes the darkest days more bearable, and not just for me. For all of us.”
“You give me way too much credit,” I tell him, even though I’m incredibly moved by his sweet words.
“It’s not possible to give you enough credit for what you do for everyone in your life.”
“You flatter me.”
“I speak only the truth.”
“Does this mean we’re in a dreaded relationship?”
The left side of his mouth lifts into a half smile, but it’s the sadness in his eyes that touches my heart. I don’t want him to say no.
“I think maybe we are, but…”
I kiss him. “No qualifications allowed. We are or we aren’t.”
“My concern is about the kids.”
My heart and stomach drop like we’re on the steepest hill on a roller coaster. “Oh. Well, I’d understand if they’re too much for you. They’re too much for me most days.”
He lays his finger over my lips. “They’re not too much for me. I adore them. You know I do.”
“I do know that, but it’s a lot to ask anyone to take on this shit show.”
“You and your children are not a shit show.”
“Um, yes, we are.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“We can fight about that later. My concern with the kids is having them get used to having me around and then having this not work out for whatever reason. I’d want assurances that no matter what happens between us that you’d let me be there for them—always.”