“You’re one hundred percent right, and I totally fucked up. I own that, and I’m so sorry I left when you needed me. I hate myself for that.”
“I hate you enough for both of us.”
“Ouch.”
“Well, what did you think I’d say? ‘Oh, thank youso muchfor coming back, Gage. I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know.’ Is that how you thought this would go? Let me tell you one thing widowhood has taught me. I havezerotolerance for bullshit.”
“I understand, and I deserve all of that and more. Five minutes after I left, I regretted it.”
“And yet, it took you more than twenty-four hours that I spent in hell to come back? I’m finding it difficult to feel sorry for you.”
“I don’t want to lose you. I love you.”
“I know you do. I also know that the thought of losing me terrifies you, but that doesn’t give you the right to bail on me when I needed you most.”
“I had no right to do that to you. I have no defense other than grief, which picked the worst possible time to rear its ugly head.”
I can’t help but soften a bit as he takes total ownership of his colossal fuckup.
He comes around the desk to lean against it, facing me.
“You look like hell.”
“I haven’t slept since Florida.” He extends his hand to me.
I stare at it for a long moment before I reach out to wrap my hand around his. I can’t deny the profound feeling of relief that comes with being with him again.
“I want to be here for you and the kids, no matter what comes next.”
“I need to know I can count on you. If that’s too much to ask, go away and don’t come back.”
“It’s not too much to ask.”
I look up at him again, this time with tears in my eyes. “I’m scared.”
He reaches for me, and I stand to let him wrap his strong arms around me. “I am, too.”
I appreciate that he doesn’t offer platitudes or blow smoke up my skirt, even though I thought I’d welcome that earlier. I vastly prefer that he’s as frightened as I am.
“What am I going to do if it’s cancer?”
He holds me even tighter. “We’ll fight it with everything we’ve got until you’re completely well again.”
“We’llfight it?”
“Yes, we will, you and me.”
“What if it goes bad?”
“I’ll be here for all of it. No matter what, and if the worst thing happens, I’ll finish raising your children. I promise.”
“If you make that promise to me, Gage, if I let you back in, you have to keep it.”
“I’ll keep it. I swear to God on the memories of Nat and the girls. I’ll be here for you and the kids.”
Since I can’t ask for anything more than that, I decide to take him at his word.
Gage holdsme close all night, which is the only reason I get any sleep at all. I’m awake ahead of my alarm and wiggle out of his embrace to shower before the kids get up. I’m standing under the warm water when Gage appears with a mug of coffee. When I turn toward the glass door to take a sip of coffee, his gaze shifts to the bruises on my breasts.