Myoldmansits in the white plastic Adirondack chair at the edge of the pier, a glass beer bottle in his hand. I lean back against the dock. It’s been a while since I've joined him on a fishing day, so he was excited when he saw my bike pull into the driveway earlier.
I’d caught him packing his fishing gear into the truck just in time. Before I even got to say hey, Karson Harden pulled into the driveway. Both of them in one place. I thanked the stars for aligning perfectly on this one.The drive to the lake had been filled with tall tales of their time together on the street, exaggerated to make them feel like badass officers. I mostly tuned them out and remained quiet, working up the courage to tell them I knew the truth.
They’ve been so engulfed in the “Good-Ole Days” that they haven’t picked up on my off-put mannerisms. I haven’t chimed in with a dirty one-liner, or even my own tales because I’m silently stewing. While Dad sits relaxed in his chair with his care-free attitude, I’m tense, shoulders stiff and jaw clenched.
We’ve been sitting here for an hour now, and dad hasn’t caught a single fish. He is complaining that the weather must be too cold, and then he brings up the topic for me.
“Karson tells me you brought a young woman and her daughter to the community outreach day.” He draws back his rod to cast it again. “Are you getting serious with her?”
I clear my throat. “Yeah, Dad. You could say that.” I’ve never fought with my parents before. I love them, and they have always been good to me, but this is something I can’t let go.
“She’s younger than you?”
“She’s thirty-one. Her daughter is six.”
“How did you meet?” Karson asks.
“You didn’t recognize her, Karson?” I turn my attention to him.
He glances at me and shakes his head. “Should I?” He turns his attention back to the water.
“Yeah, you should.” I stand from my chair and clench my fists in anger. “She came into the precinct, pregnant with my child, and you told her you didn’t know who I was.”
Dad sits upright and sets his fishing rod down. He stands, but I raise my hand, halting him. “And you knew, Dad, because you hid her car accident from me. You hid the death of my daughter from me.”
“Dominic, you were a shoo-in for S.W.A.T. after that undercover gig. I didn’t want some girl you met at a bar to ruin your career. I did what I felt was best for you. You didn’t need a girl from that world pregnant with your child. You couldn’t know. Then the accident happened, and I didn’t want you to find out that way. I figured it was best to hide it from you.”
I shake my head. Not because it is funny, it’s pathetic. My dad is supposed to be there for me. I’m supposed to trust him with anything, and he’s been lying to me for a large part of my adult life. He’s betrayed my trust in him, and I don’t know how he can make up for it.
“Andi wasn’t part of the club, Dad. She was just a girl I met that got dragged into my bullshit. She was in law school, became a lawyer, and she’s a businesswoman now. A good person. And you let her suffer alone.”
He scoffs. “So, she lost an unborn baby? Plenty of women have miscarriages. Your mother’s had them and managed along just fine. It happens to lots of women.”
I grab the back of my chair and toss it into the water. The splash startles Dad, but his response sends me into rage.
“Well, now you’ve terrified the fish off, son.”
My mouth gapes open. I’ve always looked up to my father. Never did I think he would be so inconsiderate to my feelings, to Andi’s. I squat down so that we are at eye level.
“Mom had a miscarriage before the first trimester. She had a husband and two children to help her get through that pain. But you let the mother of my child give birth to a child she lost, alone. She grieved our daughter, alone. And you took away my only chance to be a father.”
I take a step back and I scratch my nose out of frustration. He doesn’t fucking get it. He never will. “If I’d known she was pregnant, I would have been with her. She was on her way home from a doctor’s appointment, and some drunk asshole crashed during a police pursuit. And you hid it! All of that, for what, Dad? So, I wouldn’t lose my spot on the team? What good did that do you? I’m going to marry her anyway, but now my wife can’t carry my children because of the secrets you kept from your son. How can you sit here and defend yourself?”
Karson pipes up with a lousy excuse. “I wanted to tell you the truth, Dom. I did. But when I called your dad to tell him she was there, he said it was best. He said it would mess up your head, and you’d drop out of the academy.”
I’d almost forgotten he was there. “You don’t get to defend yourself, Karson. You called my father instead of me. You started this whole ripple effect.”
“Son, once you’ve calmed down, you’ll understand your mother, and I only wanted what’s best for you.”
“No, Dad, you didn’t. You wanted what was best for your reputation. How bad would it have looked if I failed the academy over a girl I met while undercover? You never even had enough faith in me to juggle fatherhood and my job. I won’t be here for Thanksgiving. I’ll be with Andi and her daughter.”
“Dominic!” Dad hisses. “Your mother will not forgive you for missing a holiday over this.”
I shrug. “And I’ll never forgive you for this. So, I guess it makes us even.”
I don’t even care that it’s a six-mile walk back to the house and my bike. I storm off, happy to get away from Dad. I take the full two hours it takes to reach my bike, to cool off. I’ve replayed every scenario in my mind. Andi’s right, it’s a hole you can’t dig yourself out of, and she has Charlotte because of everything that’s happened.
Still, I never thought I would find myself having regrets in life. I always thought I would make choices, and know that I did what I felt was best. Having that choice taken from me makes it easier to regret.