“Well, that… and also, I was planning on telling him tomorrow. I’ve been planning this for almost the entire month. Then, you informed us that we are all to spend several days in the countryside at the Duke’s house.”
Then, Lydia realized what her sister was trying to explain. The Viscount was also one of the people invited.
“Oh, I see,” Lydia nodded compassionately. “If you tell him before we go there, then he won’t be able to hide the animosity.”
“And I won’t be able to hide my embarrassment,” Selina admitted, looking down at her feet. “He is a good man and everything, but… I feel he is not the one for me.” She sounded apologetic as if she were endeavoring to convince both Lydia and herself that she had a good enough reason for doing this.
Lydia could see that her sister needed reassurance. She needed someone to tell her that it was all right to change one’s mind about things like this.
“You do not need to apologize ever for the way you feel, Selina,” Lydia continued talking with tenderness and compassion. “If there is no love between you, it is better to recognize that now than to remain true to a promise that will only lead you down the path of misery later in life.”
“So… it is all right if I tell him that I no longer wish to marry him?” Selina asked, her voice trembling, sounding as if she were about to burst into tears once more.
“It most certainly is all right,” Lydia nodded. She wanted her sister to be fearless about herself, her emotions, but at the same time, she wanted her to be reasonable and to know what to expect. “However, know that he probably won’t like it. He may reply with words which will shock you. But that is all right. People say a lot of things when they are hurt and when they are angry. That has nothing to do with you. You should not stifle your own happiness to make someone else happy. It simply doesn’t work that way.”
“What do you suggest I do then?” Selina sighed although Lydia could immediately tell that her sister was feeling less stressed about all this. “Should I just tell him everything tomorrow as I planned? I’ve practiced my speech so often that I know it all by heart.”
“You do know that these things are best to be told from the heart,” Lydia commented.
“I just wish to tell him everything in a way that might hurt him the least,” Selina admitted. “If I allow my heart to do the talking, I might get tongue tied. I might get confused. I might say the wrong things and make an already bad situation even worse. I don’t want to marry him, but I also don’t want to hurt him more than I already have to.”
Lydia had never felt more proud of her sister. “You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say those words, to hear how much you care about others and their emotions.”
“That is what you taught us,” Selina smiled, her eyes sparkling with love.
Lydia almost started crying herself. She swallowed heavily then cleared her throat. “My suggestion is to try and survive these few days in the countryside,” she finally advised. “I know it won’t be the most pleasurable of situations knowing what you must do after we return, but I think this way, it will cause the least pain for everyone. You and the Viscount won’t be out there for the world to see you in your most vulnerable moment. It is something to be kept private. That is why I think you should remain patient for a few more days, and then reveal how you feel once we are back. Can you do that?”
Selina quickly nodded several times as if once wasn’t enough.
“I think so,” she agreed.
“I shall keep you by my side,” Lydia promised.
In a way, that was a selfish promise. She, too, wished to keep herself occupied, so she would not be tempted to knock on the Duke’s door with whatever question would pop to her curious mind. She needed to remain at a distance from him, especially after what had happened… again. This time, he did not even apologize for the kiss. Not that she wanted him to. She wanted him to be aware of her own desire. She wondered if he was. He had to be… no?
“I shall keep both you and Anna by my side,” Lydia pointed out, remembering the real reason why all three of them would be the Duke’s guests. Selina didn’t know anything about Anna’s secret admirer, and Lydia meant to keep it that way. As it turned out, Selina had her own troubles to sort out. Lydia would be there for both of them.
As for herself… she would need to sort out her own feelings. The Duke had already shown her in many ways that he could not open himself up to a woman — at least, not until his sister was found. He could not allow such a distraction from the only goal he had set up for himself. Lydia could understand that. After all, she was helping him as much as she could. She wanted Rachel found as much as he did. Perhaps, once Rachel was home, safe and sound, the Duke would see her as someone more than just a partner in solving a mystery.
“Lydia?” Selina’s voice brought her back to the present moment, piercing through the fog of her heart’s desires and confusion.
“Sorry,” Lydia smiled. “I got lost in my own thoughts for a moment.”
“I can see that,” Selina smiled. “Are you thinking about the Duke?”
“Yes,” Lydia admitted with a chuckle. Why lie?
“You two are such a sweet couple,” Selina observed, gushing over it. “I knew it from the beginning. You were doing your best to hide the way you feel about each other, but love will always find a way to surface.”
“I know it will,” Lydia said. Actually, that was what she was afraid of. The fact that she would not be able to hide how she truly felt about Edwin, and because of this, he might want to push her away, refusing her further help. She could not allow that to happen. She simply had to show him, somehow, that she didn’t feel anything about him. She had to find a way not to be affected by the way he talked, the way he smiled, the way he smelled… Everything he did affected her.
Lydia sighed then got up. “How about we go and see what Anna is up to?” she suggested. “We might have a nice cup of tea in the garden while the sun is still out.”
“That is a splendid idea,” Selina nodded, jumping up from the bed. “I could use a distraction.”
Me, too,Lydia thought to herself, managing to bite her tongue in time not to say it out loud. Together, the two sisters walked out of the chamber, hand in hand. Lydia felt that as long as she had her sisters by her side, she was a happy woman. She would never let anything happen to them.
Never.