CHAPTER24
If there was ever a perfect moment, to Edwin, this was it.
He was seated in the garden, a light summer breeze messing up his hair. Lydia was to his right. By her side rested Anna and then, Selina. Across from him at the table were the members of the other four family he had invited over to his country house.
Everyone seemed to be having a splendid time. There was not a trace of a gloomy cloud on the horizon. Even his mother was much more cheerful than usual as if sensing that they were so close to having Rachel back. That was, at least, how Edwin himself felt about it. He was certain that the man, whoever he was, could not resist writing to Anna again. All they needed to do was remain patient and vigilant. They would get only one more chance. They couldn’t squander it.
Suddenly, one of the young ladies present pulled Selina up from her seat, and Selina in turn pulled Anna. Then, all three ladies started to run towards the middle of the garden, giggling joyfully, lost in their own world.
“I love how unburdened Anna has been these last two days.” Lydia turned to him and expressed her joy with this realization.
If he could, he would have patted himself on the back. Not only did he have Lydia by his side, but he also had a great excuse for it in addition to keeping her sister safe. His plan was perfect.
“I told you so,” he smirked at her.
She smiled in return. “You were most certainly right,” she admitted.
“Is she still angry with you?” he asked, lowering his voice, but that was unnecessary. Seeing that everyone here already knew one another, they easily found common topics to discuss, so everyone seemed engaged in a conversation with the person sitting closest to him or her. It was no coincidence that Edwin was seated next to Lydia.
“I think she is,” Lydia nodded, gazing in the direction where her sisters were huddled around in a small circle with Josephina, the young lady who invited them to play. “But she sounds much more forgiving somehow.”
“Give her time,” he said. “She still fears that he won’t write to her.”
“I fear that he will,” she said, biting her lower lip in a concerned manner.
The sight instantly made him remember their kiss. He wanted to be the one who would bite that delectable lip of hers. But he could not very well do that now even if there was nothing else he would rather do. So, he tried to remain in the present moment and focus on the conversation.
“I also hope that he will,” he admitted. “That is the only way we can find Rachel.”
“I know,” she sighed. “I am just… frightened of something happening to Anna, and that it will all be my fault because I didn’t keep her safe.”
Hearing those words, he wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything would be all right. However, he knew that just like the kiss, he could not do that right now. He could not act on his innermost emotions and desires, no matter how powerful they were.
At the same time, he felt terribly guilty. He kissed her again after he promised himself, he would not do it. He kissed her, and he made her a silent promise of some sort, giving her hope when he knew that there was no hope. At least, there was very little hope. He could not give himself to a woman now. He wondered if such a thing would ever be possible. He needed to find Rachel first. When he did then he needed to make sure that she was all right, that she did not have any trauma. He needed to take care of his sister whom he had failed. He could not give his heart to someone else. That would make him the worst brother in the world.
“I know you feel guilty,” he whispered, leaning closer to her but still keeping a respectful distance. “I know that feeling because we share it. But trust me, you are being the best sister one could hope to have.”
She lifted her gaze to meet his. “Do you really mean that?” she asked.
“Of course,” he smiled. “But now, I really think you should have fun. Go with your sisters and be merry without that ominous cloud that has been following us everywhere. Leave it behind, even if it is for a few precious moments.”
She hesitated then got up. She looked at him in a way that made him suspect she might bend down and give him a peck on the cheek. Everyone here knew they were courting, but even that would have been considered inappropriate. They were to show their devotion merely with looks and occasional handholding. Nothing else. God forbid that there was something else.
He almost chuckled at the thought. What he wished to do with her went far beyond the confines of looks and handholding. The animal inside of him raged on, demanding to be satiated, but he knew that it wouldn’t be fair to Lydia. They would both enjoy a night of passion, but then what? Would he be able to promise her anything? He would not. He could not. And a lady like Lydia deserved the world, nothing less.
Finally, she placed her hand softly over his. The touch felt electric. Every time she touched him, it made him desirous for more, so much more. He feared that if he kissed her just one more time, he would never be able to tear himself away from her. Her magnetism was too powerful. Her heart was drawing him to her, and he was finding it increasingly more difficult to fight this off.
When she pulled away, he felt as if there was a gaping hole where her hand caressed him. She rushed over to her sisters, joining in their fun. He could not take his eyes off of her. The lack of her presence was a sensation he was still learning how to handle. He wondered what would happen when Rachel was found and brought safely home, and when there would be no more need for him and Lydia to spend any more time together. What then?
Unexpectedly, he felt the light touch of someone’s hand on his shoulder. He recognized it immediately — the touch as well as the perfume. After all, his mother had not changed her perfume in over twenty years. It was the same one his father always used to gift her for her birthday, every year.
“I am so glad we decided to do this,” he heard his mother whisper, then she took a seat by his side.
He smiled as he watched her adjust herself on the chair, taking a small, dainty cup of tea in her hand and bringing it to her lips. She took a small sip then placed the cup back on the table in front of her. Edwin could not remember a time when his mother was not behaving in a ladylike fashion. It was simply who she was.
“Me, too, Mother,” he replied, gazing at her.
Even at her age, she was still considered a beautiful woman by many gentlemen. Rachel looked so much like her.