“I feel better.” I smile as Todd walks by on her other side, surrounded by his brothers, all of them laughing as they give one of the guys shit for pissing on his shoes when he went into the jungle near the waterfall.
And I do feel better.
Because I know he won’t be laughing for long.
Chapter Eighteen
Sam
“At the moment of commitment
the entire universe conspires to assist you.”
-Goethe
* * *
Danny and I sit on the beach, watching the sunset, the story he’s just finished hovering in the air around us.
I feel it settling on my skin, sinking into my bones, washing away the last of my doubt. Finally, my conscience relaxes back into the shadowy corners it has inhabited for the past year with a wave of its hand, giving its blessing to murder.
“We need to decide how to do it,” I say, stretching my legs out on the warm, powdery sand. “His suite is on the edge of the property. There’s a chance no one would hear a gunshot.”
“But there’s a chance they would,” Danny says. “What about poison? I could make sure he’s alone and bribe a maid to deliver a bottle laced with something to his room.”
“What if he calls for help?”
“I force my way into the suite after the maid is gone and make sure he doesn’t,” he says. “I don’t mind sitting on his chest and making sure he stays put until he’s dead.”
I shiver though the wind is warmer tonight than last night. “I know this is right, but…it’s still hard. Hearing you talk like that.”
He takes my hand, curling his fingers around mine. “You know what I’ve been thinking about a lot lately?”
“What?” I ask, leaning my head on his shoulder.
“Destiny. Fate. Whatever you want to call it. Things that are meant to be.” He pauses, stretching his legs out beside mine, the coarse hairs on his calves brushing against my smooth ones. “But I think destiny is just the word people give to a decision that couldn’t be made any other way. You know, those moments when the choice you’re making feels so big, so true, that it’s almost like it’s coming from outside of you.
“But it’s not. It’s just you. Making the right choice, the only choice. So you never have to regret what happens next, no matter how things shake out.”
I squeeze his hand. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he says. “And as long as we’re acting from that place, I choose to believe that everything is going to be okay.”
I tilt my chin, glancing up to see him glowing in the setting sun, his long lashes and the hint of stubble on his chin shining white gold, making him look more like an angel come to spread the good news than a man who’s planning a murder. But that’s because he’s telling the truth, we are acting from a place of love.
Love for each other and for people whose goodness and innocence make them easy targets for the predators of the world.
“You know what I’ve been thinking?” I whisper, still soaking in the beauty of him, wanting to remember the way he looks right now for the rest of my life.
“What?” His gaze is still fixed on the horizon, where the day is rapidly slipping away. The sun is running toward the other side of the world where other people are sitting on other beaches waiting for it to rise, waiting for that eternal sign that there is light at the end of the darkness.
“Maybe we’re all monsters.” I turn my gaze back to the sea. “But we can choose what kind of monster we want to be. The kind that tears other people apart or the kind that fights to protect the things we love.”
He grunts. “I don’t think we’re all monsters. Only the best and the worst of us. The rest are too lazy to care this much.”
I smile. “You’re pretty smart for a guy who graduated with a C average.”
“I do my best,” he says with a soft laugh. “Have to at least try to keep up with you.”
“You do more than keep up with me. You make me better.”
“Ditto.” He brings our joined hands to his mouth, pressing his lips to the back of my hand.
We sit in silence as the wavy red yolk of the sun slithers into the sea. The sand begins to cool and the pink light fades to a moody blue, but still we sit side by side, saying goodbye to who we were.
But it’s not a sad goodbye.
The past is full of beautiful ghosts, but it’s haunted by uglier things, too. I’m ready to move forward, to make this choice and never look back.
* * *
Danny
* * *
On Sunday, we finalize our plans, gather materials and get everything in place for Tuesday night. On Monday, we hike into the jungle with the rest of the guides and the friends they’ve brought along as guinea pigs for their last training exercise, an overnight trip we’ll spend camping on a sheer rock face.