He laughs. “Yeah, I had to drag half these assholes out of bed this morning. Some people have to be forced into a good time.”
I tell myself he’s not talking about Sam and what he bullied the rest of his friends into doing to her. I tell myself I can’t lose control three fucking steps into the hike. I tell myself that if I break now I will have tipped my hand and Todd will have the advantage from here on out.
In the five seconds it takes to form my reply, I tell myself a lot of smart things, but it still takes all the self-control I possess to force another smile and say, “I hear ya. But it’s great out here. Your friends are going to have a blast.”
“No doubt, man,” he says, his eyes narrowing on my face for a second before he turns and starts up the trail.
I notice that he’s managed to fall in right behind the girl he was talking to when I drove up—the girl who is here with her family and probably no more than sixteen years old. I wonder if that was the reason for our conversation. Maybe he was just stalling to get closer to the girl.
Or maybe he intended every word to be a double-edged sword shoved straight into my gut.
I don’t know, but the brief interaction puts me even more on edge.
Chapter Seventeen
Danny
All the way up to the first platform, I’m replaying every word and fighting the wave of sickness that sends my breakfast gurgling back up my throat.
I can’t believe I spoke to him. I can’t believe I smiled at the man who raped my girlfriend.
The jungle blurs and in my mind I see his hands on her, keep imagining that smug smile on his face while he filmed his friends taking turns. It’s all I can do not to rush him, tackle him to the ground, and beat him until he’s nothing but a bloody stain on the forest floor.
It shouldn’t have to be this way. I shouldn’t have to hide my rage and hate. I should be able to throw my knowledge of what he’s done in his face and challenge him to a fight to the death. Right here, right now.
Civilization has gone too far. Yes, we should feed the hungry and heal the sick. Yes, we should have equal rights and equal pay and an end to discrimination for the color of your skin or who you choose to love. But we should bring back the duel. I should be able to call Todd out and fight him with swords or guns or fists.
I should be able to kill him for what he’s done.
It is my right as someone who loves the person he nearly destroyed.
We coast down the first zip line and press higher into the mountains. The sun is shining brightly, but a cool breeze stirs the canopy, keeping the humidity at bay. It’s the nicest day since I arrived in Costa Rica, but I might as well be in hell.
As I follow the three men who attacked Sam deeper into the jungle, I slowly start to lose my shit. I try to smile and joke with the other guys as I strap them in and pretend this is just another tour, like the hundreds of others I’ve led for my company in Croatia and others across Europe, but inside I’m dying. I can feel my temperature spiking and my stomach churning like I just chugged a bottle full of acid instead of vitamin water.
The stress of keeping everything I’m feeling locked inside is making me physically ill. Sweat pours down my face and my hands shake as I double check the shorter German woman’s harness, which she said felt loose on the last ride. She smiles and thanks me after, but shoots me a look that makes it clear I look as shitty as I feel.
As she walks away, taking her place in the lineup for the third zip line, Paola—who is about to climb the platform—pauses and reverses direction, coming to stand beside me.
“You don’t look so good, Danny. Are you okay?” She tries to lay the back of her hand on my forehead, but I step away.
“You don’t want to touch me, P,” I say, with a shaky laugh. “I’m sweating like a pig.”
She frowns. “I can see. Michael said there’s something going around from the cruise ship that landed a few days ago. A nasty virus or something. Maybe you’ve caught it. Do we need to turn around?”
I shake my head.
’m not turning around. I don’t want to give the brothers any more reason to remember me and I still need to figure out if Todd’s playing games or if he thinks I’m just a tour guide. “Nah, I’ll be fine. I think it’s something I ate last night. I’ll push through.”