“Why?” he asks in a strained voice. “Why do you have to go down with them? Why can’t you let me help you find a way to do this that won’t end in disaster?”
“I told you I wasn’t strong enough to get through the trial.” I know the words will cut him deep, but I force myself not to care. “But you told me to go back to L.A. and deal with the mess I’d made. So I did.” I hold out my arms. “And this is what is left.”
His eyebrows draw sharply together and regret flashes behind his eyes. “I wondered if you blamed me. You have every right to though, in my defense, I had no idea…”
He swallows hard. “I didn’t know what they’d done and I never dreamed they’d get away with it.” His eyes begin to shine. “I’m sorry, Sam, for that and everything else.”
I cross my arms tight, fighting the wave of regret that swells behind my ribs. “It doesn’t matter now. Like I said, it’s too late. Apologies aren’t going to change things and I don’t want you here, Danny. I refuse to drag anyone else into this. If I’m on my own, then no one else gets hurt.”
“You can’t be serious.” He steps closer, his breath rushing out in something too painful-sounding to be a laugh. “All I’ve done is hurt. Hurt and hurt and go half out of my mind wondering where you are and if you’re okay. And then I saw you at the airport and I thought…”
He shakes his head, looking so lost I can’t help but feel bad for him. “I thought it was a sign. That we were going to climb out of this hell together.”
I cringe at the thought of “together,” of how close and terrifying that sounds.
“Not like that,” he says, apparently still able to read my mind. “Yes, I still love you. I’m never going to stop loving you, but if you don’t want me anymore, I’m not going to push.” His voice breaks on the final word, but when he continues it’s steady. “I’ll leave you alone, but I have to make sure you’re safe first. I have to, Sam. I can’t live with anything else.”
He reaches up, brushing a wisp of hair that’s escaped my braid away from my face, his touch so gentle it threatens to shatter me all over again. “Please. Talk to me. Really talk to me. Let me in enough to help keep you safe.”
“I don’t believe in safe,” I whisper, resisting the urge to lean into his big, warm hand. “Safety is an illusion. No one can keep anyone else safe, no matter how hard they try.”
Danny nods. “You’re right, but I can keep you safer. I know I can, if you’ll give me the chance. At the very least I can be your alibi.”
I hesitate, my resolve wavering.
If I make it back to my hotel after the shooting without getting caught, an alibi would be a good thing to have, and Danny wouldn’t have to be in any danger. He could stay in the room, and if anyone asks, he says I was there with him. Nothing dangerous about that.
Except having Danny in your room, sleeping next to you, breathing the same air, reminding you what it’s like not to be alone.
“Don’t answer now,” he says, cutting me off before I can tell him no again. “Let’s get target practice taken care of, make sure the gun’s not going to explode in your face the first time you try to fire it, and go from there. And while we shoot I can fill you in on some of the things I’ve been thinking.”
“It isn’t going to explode,” I say. “And you’re not allowed to shoot it. My prints are the only prints that are ever going to be on this gun.”
His lips curve again. “Anyone ever tell you you’ve got a bossy streak?”
I answer his attempt at a joke with a blank look.
I will not joke with him; I will not laugh with him. I will not let him past my defenses or give him any reason to hope for more than a brief connection before we go our separate ways.
After a moment, his smile diminishes though it doesn’t completely disappear. “All right. No teasing.”
“The canyon is still about a mile ahead.” I hitch my pack higher on my shoulder. “We should get going. I’d like to have at least an hour to shoot before it gets really hot.”
He holds out an arm, motioning toward the path. “Lead the way.”
I start off again, with Danny not far behind, but I know better than to think that means I’m leading. Danny has his own agenda and he won’t give up as easily as he’s pretending. There was a time when he was wrapped around my finger, but I was every bit as wrapped around his. He’s always been able to get to me like no one else, and I’m going to have to be very careful if I want to avoid being manipulated.