‘You’ve been their father for a few days, Angus, and you’re presuming to tell me what to do and how to do it? Just because you’re suddenly enamoured with the idea of being a father, does not give you equal rights here! They are my children, my responsibility, and I will make the decisions, not you.’
She saw her words land like missiles, detonating in his eyes. Hurt chased anger across his face before his expression turned remote and unemotional. ‘I was only trying to help, Thadie,’ he said, standing up and brushing the sand from his shorts.
She scrambled to her feet, the dam wall holding back her emotional floodwaters crumbling. ‘Where were you when they couldn’t pick up one of their heartbeats? When they were bothscreaming and I didn’t have enough milk and I didn’t know if I could do this for one more second?’ she shouted, slapping her hands onto his chest. ‘You weren’t there. I went through that all by myself. And you don’t get to swan in like a white knight now.’
Thadie felt him grip her hands, and she tugged them away to wipe the moisture off her cheeks, frustrated by her tears. She was mad, not sad. He had noright...and she was stupid to feel tempted to let him into her life.
Angus stepped back and held up his hands, his expression as remote as a Siberian outpost in January. He started to speak but shook his head. He bent down, picked up the glasses and tossed the remains of the champagne onto the sand. He picked up the champagne bottle and, without looking at her again, walked away.
Thadie closed her eyes, frustrated at herself and the situation. She wasn’t handling this well, she really wasn’t. Just when she thought she knew what she was doing, and where she was going, life threw another curveball at her. She clenched her fists, and stared at her bare, sand-covered toes, waves of embarrassment and frustration rolling over her. This was what it felt like to stand on a leaky raft in the middle of a tempest, cold and scared and not knowing where she was going or how she was going to get there.
After a few steps, Angus stopped, turned and his eyes lasered through her. ‘I’m deeply sorry I wasn’t there for you, that I missed the first three years of their life. But I can’t change that because I didn’tknow they existed. But I’m standing here, offering to share the load. You can either make this easy on us and find a way to work with me, or we can fight about this, and make both our lives miserable. But understand this, I will be a part of their lives. I amnotgoing away.’
She wished she could believe him, but a person didn’t need to physically disappear to make her feel abandoned. ‘At somepoint in my teens, I realised I felt lonelier when my parents were around than I did when they were away. I won’t let you do that to the boys,’ she stated, unable to look at him.
He didn’t reply and when she looked up to see if he had left, her eyes slammed into his, and even in the low light she could see his anger and frustration. ‘I thought we agreed that we are going to be better than our parents. And, please, just be honest about why you are pushing me away.’
‘What do you mean by that?’ Thadie cried.
‘You’re not worried about me swanning in and out of the boys’ lives, about the effect on them. You’re terrified of our incredible attraction, the crazy chemistry, and you’re trying to protect yourself. Just like I am. Fair enough. But blaming me for not being there? That’s bloody insulting.’
With that conversational hand grenade, Angus stepped off the beach onto the wooden, slatted path and started to make his way back to the house.
Well, that hadn’t been the way she’d expected this night to end. And she had no one to blame but herself.
Angus stood on the pier and watched the sleek speedboat approach from the north, Jago at the wheel. The twins, his boys, were seated on either side of Micah, life vests on. Even from a distance, he could see that they were vibrating with impatience, annoyed that they had to sit and stay.
He remembered feeling like that, needing to run and roll, to burn off all that excess energy. His parents hadn’t allowed him the freedom to explore his world. His earliest memories were of his father telling him to stand up straight, arms at his sides, chin high. He had to keep his clothes and room spotless, his shoes shined, and his hair carefully combed. Spare time was to be spent studying or excelling at carefully chosen physical activity:swimming training or cross-country running, sports that would be the building blocks to his career in the armed forces. He hadn’t been allowed to join the local football team, to play street cricket with the other kids. No, he was The General’s son, and he’d never been allowed toplay.
Thadie encouraged the twins to play, explore, to engage with the world. He was angry with her but she was an excellent mum, he couldn’t have asked for better.
Angus jammed his hands into the pockets of his linen shorts, enjoying the cool breeze coming off the ocean. It lifted his hair and plastered his button-down shirt against his chest. He looked down at his feet, thinking that he hadn’t worn shoes since he arrived at Petit Frère. Normally that would be a good indication of a great mini break...
Today he felt miserable. It was late morning, and he still hadn’t seen Thadie. Late last night, unable to sleep, he’d passed by her room on the way to the kitchen to grab a late-night snack and he’d heard her crying. It had taken all his willpower not to open her door, pull her into his arms and wipe away her tears.
He couldn’t help her with this, Angus reminded himself. She had to accept his presence in her life in her own way and in her own time. Her non-wedding, his sudden reappearance in her life, sex, and her realising that she needed to be more than just a stay-at-home mum were all life-changing events and her world had been flipped over and upside down.
So had his, but he had far more experience in learning to accept the things he couldn’t change and in playing the cards he’d been dealt. In war, you had to adapt quickly or else you, and your men, got sent home in a coffin.
She needed time and space to wrap her head around her new realities and he was prepared to give them to her. What choice did he have, as they were going to be in each other’s livesfor...well, probably forever? They were bound together by the awesome creatures they’d made.
The twins waved energetically and Angus waved back, his thoughts still far away. He and Thadie were also, currently, connected by their incredible chemistry—their lovemaking last night had been off-the-charts hot. He’d had many lovers but making love to Thadie was a night-and-day experience compared to his previous encounters. He always made sure that his lovers enjoyed their time with him, but, with Thadie, her pleasure was of paramount importance. She was all that mattered...
He also felt mentally and, scarily, emotionally connected to her. Maybe it was because they had kids together, maybe it was because they’d always had this insane attraction, but sex with Thadie was different: deeper, hotter, a weird combination of emotional and mental and physical. They fell into a rhythm, as if they’d been making love for years, knowing exactly how to make each other yearn and burn.
Since meeting her again, he felt equally thrilled and terrified, energised and unnerved. She had the ability to knock his life, and his ambitions, off keel and he couldn’t allow her that much power. Angus hauled in a deep breath and forced himself to be sensible.
Think, Docherty.
He liked her, appreciated that she was a wonderful mum and thought she was insanely hot. But they weren’t going to be a perfect TV family when they left the island.
That wasn’t going to happen...
His boys were incredible. He was grateful to have found them. They would be a huge part of his life going forward. But he had a job to do, a company to run. A company that allowed him to serve his country, to use the skills he’d worked so hard to acquire.
His covert ops aside, Docherty Security also needed more time and input than he was currently affording it. He was opening a branch in Lahore, and another in Chisinau, the capital city of Moldova. There were decisions to be made, management to hire, premises to secure. Sure, Heath could make most of the decisions, but it was his company, his legacy under construction. Why would he want anyone else to be part of its design? And if he didn’t keep an eye on every detail, a crucial component could be missed. Too many mistakes and he could lose his clients and acquire a bad reputation.
It was his name on the letterhead. His company was a direct reflection of him so it couldn’t be anything but exemplary. Anything less would be a failure and he never failed...