Angus rested the base of his glass on his knee. ‘We touched on this earlier, but I’ll ask again... Why didn’t you hire someone to help you? I mean, you’re not short of cash.’
‘I had a nanny growing up—I had aseriesof nannies. My parents handed me over to whomever they could hire to look after me and I swore I would never do that to my kids. My parents didn’t hear my first word, didn’t see my first steps. I didn’t want to miss a thing the boys did, so I knew I had to be actively involved.’
‘You had to be the mum you never had,’ Angus murmured. He lifted his glass to his lips, all his attention on her. When Angus listened, he really listened. Thadie knew he was taking in her every expression, listening for a change in emotion, on high alert for subtext. Like earlier, when he’d been making love to her, he paid attention.
‘We both won the Horrible Parents Lottery,’ Angus stated.
They had. Thadie turned her head to place a kiss on the ball of his bare shoulder.
Angus’s eyes slammed into hers and her lungs stopped at the determination she saw in them. ‘I don’t want to be that sort of parent, Thads. I want to break that cycle and be an amazing dad. And I need you to teach me.’
She stared at him, confused.
‘I need you to show me how to be interested and involved, supportive and how to communicate. You make it look so easy.’
Thadie felt tears burn her eyes. Being told that she was a wonderful mum was a wonderful compliment and a sure way to melt her heart. Best of all, she knew Angus was being totally sincere.
‘Thank you. They just need to know that you are there, that you are a soft place for them to fall,’ Thadie told him.
They sat in silence as the sun disappeared behind the horizon, enjoying the purple-indigo light, waves sliding up and slipping down the beach.
Thadie broke the silence. ‘I’m thinking about sending them to nursery school. And I’ll need to find a way to fill those hours when they are at school.
‘Yes, we’re a very wealthy family and my father was a terrible dad, but he had a work ethic like no one else I’ve ever met. My brothers have worked their tails off to get where they are, Dodi and Ella are also incredibly hard-working. We work, we don’t sit at home painting and doing pottery, going to the gym.’
She waved her hands in the hair, wincing. ‘That sounds judgemental. I’m not trying to insult stay-at-home mums. I’ve been one for three years! If that’s your thing—it’s been mine—and you can afford it, who am I to judge? But I’m a Le Roux and I’m not made to live off the inheritance I received. I mean, I could, butIdon’t want to!
‘You should see Dodi’s face when she’s found the perfect dress for a bride or after she’s paid out staff bonuses—she’s happy and proud and she feels so fulfilled, like what she’s doingmatters. Ella feels the same way when she’s pulled off an incredible event, the same way my brothers feel when they close a complicated deal,’ she explained.
‘The way I feel when I execute a successful mission,’ Angus murmured.
Mission? That had to be Angus-speak for picking up a new client, Thadie decided. He was retired from the military, he couldn’t be involved in anything dangerous any more. He was a CEO now, not a soldier. So why did she feel as if there was something he wasn’t telling her, as if he was holding out on her?
Angus topped up her champagne glass and Thadie looked at it, surprised. When had she finished the first glass? She didn’t know.
‘So, what’s the plan?’
Thadie shrugged, confused. ‘For what?’
‘For you to start feeling fulfilled, Thads. What do you need to do for that to happen?’
Her lower jaw dropped. She was shocked at his understanding and immediate support. ‘Uh...um... I don’t know, I need to think about it some more. I need to decide what’s best for the boys.’
‘What’s best for the boys is that they go to nursery. I absolutely support you on that. Kids need social interaction. They learn more from their peers than they do at home,’ Angus firmly stated. ‘And, if you need more time in the day, then they can either go to an after-school programme or we can hire an au pair.’
Thadie felt instantly overwhelmed. She was just starting to work things out for herself, to plan a new life, and she didn’t need him stomping in with his size thirteens and taking over. ‘Whoa, hold on...no! No after-school programme and no au pair...that’s not happening.’
Angus placed his hand on her knee and squeezed. ‘Many kids grow up as children of working mothers and they are just fine. I grew up with an unhappy stay-at-home mum and, trust me, that wasn’t fun. Ifyouare happy, the twins will be happy. So, when I come back, I think we should visit schools, see if they can take them immediately. I can ask my PA to set up an appointment. We’ll go together. Actually, that might be best because my schedule can change rapidly.’
This was all going too fast. It was too much. She hadn’t thought things through with Clyde. She hadn’t examined hermotives or her decisions. She wasn’t going to do that again, to be pliable. And weak.
She wasn’t prepared to make another mistake because she was being swept away by a man who mentally, emotionally and physically rocked her world. Angus made her feel off kilter and, worse, hopeful.
Okay, she wasn’t in this raising-kids-alone situation any more. She could bounce ideas off Angus and there was someone else to take responsibility. She could, maybe, lean on and rely on him...
But what if she did that and he decided, in a week, or a month, or a year, that fatherhood wasn’t for him, and she was left alone, pushed aside again? She’d stood on the outside of her parents’ lives growing up, and they’d disappointed her time and time again. Clyde had made her promises he’d had no intention of fulfilling and she was terrified that Angus would do the same. Scared that, one day, she’d look around and he wouldn’t be there...
And because she loathed feeling scared, hated the fact that he’d given her a taste of hope—because she was sliding back into old patterns of behaviour—she lashed out.