I couldn’t lose her. I just… couldn’t.
* * *
Sierra
Waves crashed against the shore, not in the gentle manner they’d been doing, but savagely, as if angry with the world. The turbulent ocean matched the way I felt, enraged. Furious.
Anger continuously swelled through me like a fire raging out of control and I could do nothing about it. My tumultuous state of emotions had little to do with the events at the church, although I’d been terrified, almost paralyzed with fear until Alessandro had taken me into his arms. He’d held me for what had seemed like hours, his warmth and strength pulling me out of a horrible abyss.
He’d allowed me to process everything that occurred, never chastising me when tears had fallen. But that had only lasted a day. Then he’d disappeared into his world, planning to crucify his enemies. I’d overheard enough to know he’d found the book in the bushes in front of my house, the item carelessly tossed by Joseph in his effort to locate what Tristen had amassed during his time serving undercover.
I’d learned how Tristen had graduated law school, initially intending on becoming an international lawyer. Then he’d been approached by the FBI to join ranks. The undercover sting operation had been the most complex the FBI had devised in at least a full decade. The other details Alessandro had filled in, including the oddity with regard to Tristen and Joseph partnering in a firm, supposedly representing two opposing teams. Teams. Brutal killing organizations.
Poor Joseph had no idea what he’d been lured into, allowing Tristen to garner information about the Irish mafia as well as the Montenegro syndicate. I would never know the full reason why he’d targeted me to become his fake fiancée, other than he needed an entirely different type of cover.
That alone added to my anger, but at least the guilt and emotional swings about what I’d thought was a relationship were starting to fade. In their place was nothing but numbness.
That was because I ached with need for the passion I’d shared with Alessandro.
Nothing came close to the range of emotions and joy, the incredible sensations I’d experienced every time I’d been with him. Now the game was over. If I had to guess, I’d say within a day or two, I’d be flown back home first class, my million dollars in hand and barely two words of acknowledgement prior to Alessandro walking away from my life.
I wanted to beat him to a bloody pulp, but why bother? He. Didn’t. Care.
A trickling trail of sensations skittered through me, only this time not from fear but from excitement. I had to shut it down. I couldn’t allow myself to get hurt any more than I had.
“My mother once told me that the best thing I could do for myself was to find something of my own, a niche that no one else could touch or take away.”
I held my breath as I heard Alessandro’s voice behind me, fearful of turning around. I didn’t want to cry anymore.
He took two footsteps inside, then halted. “Cruz managed to do that. He’s finally decided to paint again. I’m proud of him for not allowing our father to win.”
I said nothing.
“I watched as our father stripped his passion away and it carved a hole in my heart as well as my soul. That was the day I knew my mother was wrong. I closed myself off because that was better than dealing with the pain of losing something precious.”
“Like the girl when you were younger,” I whispered.
“Yes. It’s worked incredibly well over the years, allowing me to become the brutal monster you know me to be. But something happened that changed everything.” He took several steps closer, and the pitter patter of my heart echoed in my ears.
“What was that?” Were my words even audible?
“I fell in love with a beautiful, precious woman who refused to take any shit. A soft creature on the inside, but a fighter who could withstand both tangible and intangible evil. I didn’t want to feel alive again. I fought how amazing the moments had become, pretending that the passion shared was nothing but a game.”
Now he was within inches of me, close enough his voice reverberated against the skin of my neck.
“Is that so?” A single tear formed, slipping ever so slowly past my lashes.
“Yes. To me, she’s the reason I want to get up in the morning, to bask in the sunlight and warmth of her face and smile. She’s the reason that suddenly every scent has become richer, more sensual and food a delightful experience. She’s the only person who’s ever managed to break through my hard shell, refusing to allow me to succumb to my demons.”
Every inch of my skin tingled, vibrant lights flashing in front of my eyes. When he brushed the tip of a single finger down my arm, nothing could keep the husky moans from escaping my lips.
“And she’s the woman I’d like to spend the rest of my life with.”
For a few seconds I couldn’t move, couldn’t think clearly. Then I turned around, tilting my head as another tear joined the first, trickling down my face. “You do?”
As he rubbed his thumb through one salty bead then the other, I melted into his arms, my legs shaking. “Yes, my beautifulgatita. I’m not a good man. God knows, you realize that better than anyone. But I promise you that I’ll do everything in my power to embrace the love that only comes around once in a lifetime and shouldn’t for a man like me.”
There was no hesitation, no second guessing. As he crushed my body against his, holding the back of my head, I rose onto my tiptoes. “I love you, Alessandro. And you are a decent man, only you’re too afraid to face who you are and what you want.”