“As soon as possible,” he said, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand. “But first, I need to find better accommodations. I can’t ask you to come here again. I realize now how difficult it must have been for you.”
“It wasn’t difficult at all,” she hastened to assure him, though she shuddered internally at the thought of the horrible communal bathroom. However, that seemed a small price to pay for the wonderful night of lovemaking and companionship.
He grimaced. “I know that you probably never wanted something like this, not with someone like me. You’re the kind of woman who was made to be a wife and mother. I want you to know that if... the measures I took to protect you tonight didn’t work... if you found yourself with child, I would do the right thing. I would marry you.”
She frowned and drew her hand away, her heart pounding frantically at the very thought. “I didn’t like being a wife. In fact, I hated being a wife.”
He sank back in his chair, his face going completely blank, something she’d realized he did when he was feeling too much. “So, you’d rather face complete disgrace and have a child out of wedlock than wed someone like me,” he said evenly, the lack of inflection alerting her to how much she’d hurt him.
She thought of the night they’d just spent together, the absolute delight she felt in his arms, the comfort and safety he emanated. “That’s not what I’m saying,” she tried to tell him. “I’m just saying that not many women get to be in the position I’m in, living comfortably and not having to answer to any man. I wouldn’t want to give that up if it wasn’t an absolute necessity.”
But being pregnant would make it one. Despite all her newfound courage, she’d never be brave enough to face the social backlash of being pregnant and unwed.
“I understand,” he said stiffly, though she could see that he didn’t. Not at all. He thought that she didn’t want to marry him, in particular, either because of his background or his small flat and public water closet. He had no idea how hard it was to be a woman and have no power or money of your own.
And then and there, she decided she would get involved in Evelyn’s cause. A woman should never have to choose between love and independence.
Love.
The thought brought her up short, and as she gazed across the table at this man she’d known for such a short time, she realized she’d fallen head over heels for him. He’d turned all her thoughts about love upside down, and she didn’t want to go back to living her life without him.
“Sebastian,” she said softly, ready to take it all back, ready perhaps even to tell him how much she cared, but he pushed suddenly to his feet, his chair making a terrible screech.
“It’s nearly nine,” he said stiffly. “I’ll walk you out.”