I huff out a laugh. Doubtful.
“My feelings are hurt, darling.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine. I’ll make it up to you. We’ll go to lunch soon, yes? That Italian place you like?”
“Coletta’s, yes!” She throws her arms around my neck and kisses my lips.
“Courtney, no—”
“Um, Big T—” Jasper’s voice cuts off as he opens the door. He’s stark naked, uncaring. His eyes pop at Courtney, who still hasn’t put the shirt on. “Oops. I didn’t know you two were getting it on ...” He trails off. “Jesus, does that hurt, Courtney?”
“Go to hell, Jasper,” she snips as she clutches the T-shirt to her chest. “How about you forget you ever saw this fabulous body, okay? And put some clothes on. Your turtle dick is not attractive.”
He rears back and looks down at his junk. “What’s a turtle dick?”
I groan. “Jesus. We just had this conversation, Jasper. Wrap it up with a towel after you shower!”
“Okay, I’ll try, but what’s a turtle dick?”
I look at the ceiling, then him. “Do you really not know?”
He shakes his head. “I grew up in a conservative family in Utah and was a virgin till I was twenty-one.”
“Boy, does that explain a lot,” Courtney mutters. “Immature asshole who doesn’t know a thing about women.”
“I’m a maniac with the ladies, so shut your face,” he tells her, then looks at me. “So, what’s a turtle dick? I don’t want to have to get my phone out.”
I sigh. “It’s when your dick retracts. All you have are nuts right now.”
“Just two hairy balls,” Courtney says with a smirk.
“Because of you,” he grouses as he points at Courtney. “Who wants to see chains around boobs, huh? Nobody but freaks.”
She glares at him. “Unbelievable! You’re the one who goes to a sex club and talks and talks about how awesome it is! You can’t find a real woman.”
He pumps his hips. “You’re itching to take a ride on Cupid.”
“Your dick is not the most glorious thing in the world,” Courtney snaps. “No one in this room wants to look at it but you.”
“Babe, your eyes are glued to my junk. Remove them, please. This is not for you.” He cups his groin.
I throw my hands up, then point to the hallway outside. “Please, Jesus, get the fuck out of my room. Both of you. Leave. Now.”
Cherry barks her agreement. Poor baby was huddling under the covers at their raised voices.
Courtney sniffs. “Night, Tuck. Fuck off, Jasper.”
Jasper smirks as she walks past him with her nose in the air.
Finally the door closes, and I plop back on my bed and beg for sleep.
Chapter 8
FRANCESCA
“Are you feeling better, Francesca?” Herman asks as he opens the door for me a few days later. “I saw you throw up in the petunias a while back. There’s a nasty bug going around.”
Ha. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking. How’s Catherine?”