Later, I head upstairs to my gym on the third floor. It’s two thousand square feet of floor-to-ceiling mirrors, mats, a punching bag, three different styles of treadmills, a training bench, dumbbells, barbells, kettlebells, stationary bikes, a rowing machine, and a yoga area that overlooks the lights of Manhattan. It’s my temple where I work out my issues.
I blast music on the speakers and pick up one of the jump ropes. Rolling my neck, I inhale a deep breath and start. By the end of my fifth set, my heart thuds, and my body drips in sweat. I shake off the exhaustion and do one more set, just one more until the frustration in my body disappears.
Afterward, I hit the shower and click on the steam feature for my muscles. Hot water sluices down my frame, loosening some of the tension. Pressing my hands against the tile, I shove thoughts in my head away—about football, about my mom, about my career.
Later, I’m in bed, flipping through the channels, when Courtney eases in.
I sit up straighter, trying to not rouse Cherry. “Um, Court ...”
She walks toward me in a black see-through teddy. My eyebrows raise at the tight silver chains that crisscross around her waist and breasts.
“Does that hurt?”
She shrugs. “Who cares? It’s pretty. I picked it up at a shoot last month. Jasper is a total meathead, by the way. You should toss him out.”
“Are you sure that isn’t cutting off your circulation?”
Her jaw tightens as she waves her hands. “That’s what you’re going with? This is sexy as hell. I put it on for you.”
And this is what I get for returning her kiss outside Café Lazzo. Shit. I scrub my face. My heart wasn’t in it, and my head tumbled with why the girl in the toboggan felt familiar.
She stops at my nightstand. “You’re tense. Let me make it better.”
“We shouldn’t have kissed. It was a mistake.”
Her lips brush against mine. “I like mistakes. Don’t you want to do it again?”
My body tenses, my cock thickening. Yeah, I’m craving to thrust into someone, to push this anxiety away, but it isn’t with Courtney. Only one person will satisfy.
“You’re lashing out at Mark. He hurt you, and you want revenge.” She found texts on his phone from a girl he works with.
“Mark isn’t here—you are. Only you’re all into chasing some stranger on the street. Jasper told me you thought she was the girl you met at Decadence.”
I nod. “It’s her, and she isn’t really a stranger. That night puts her in a different category.”
Her lips tighten. “Something feels off about the whole thing.”
I shrug.
“Okay, well, I’m here for you. For anything.” Her hands caress my cheek. “We can be here for each other. It doesn’t have to be serious.”
I toss the covers back and get up to grab her a T-shirt from my chest of drawers.
Everything with Courtney is serious when it comes to me. We broke up twice because I didn’t want a white picket fence. She’s been in the modeling industry since she was twelve, and when we met, she was ready to give it up and settle down. She wants marriage. Kids.
I don’t. Not with the shit way I grew up. Not with my flawed genes.
Fear ripples over me, and my stomach pitches at the idea of a family.
I can’t be responsible for people who depend on me every day.
“We don’t work as a couple—or as friends with benefits. I don’t want to hurt you, Court.” I toss the shirt at her.
“Prick. Why do you have to be so noble?” she says without heat as she catches it, then glances down at her outfit and pouts. “This piece of torture really does hurt.”
“The blood flow has definitely stopped going to your tits.”
She sighs. “I should have worn the red teddy. That would have gotten you good.”