I look at myself, tears falling quickly down my cheeks. I would be wearing this bikini of all bikinis. I step closer to her, but she slams the door in my face. She struggles to start the car. She’s shaking so badly, but the second the engine purrs, the car disappears down the street, basically leaving tire marks in the driveway.
A towel is wrapped around me from behind, and Eric ushers me inside. “Get inside. You’re freezing.”
I step over the threshold and instantly feel like I’m going to vomit. I dash to the bathroom, losing the coffee and half a bagel I ate this morning into the toilet.
I’m shaking so bad as I turn the faucet on for water, splashing it on my face. Eric appears next to me with a hand towel. “Here.”
I look at him, but I can’t even speak. Eric doesn’t say a word, but he doesn’t back away either. I can tell he wants to help, even though we both know he can’t. The clothes I left lying on the floor are still there, so I quickly yank them on over my wet bikini.
“What can I do to help?” He asks, handing me my bra draped over the side of the jacuzzi tub.
I offer him a side-eyed—fuck you—even though I don’t really mean it. How could I have been so stupid?
I should’ve known this wasn’t going to end well. Things never end well. At least not for me.
“I’ll go and talk to her,” He offers, “Let me fix this.”
He reaches for my hand, but I yank it away, “I have to go talk to her. If we both show up, it will look even worse.”
His brows pull together, “Okay, but it’s gonna look bad either way, Jolene. We need to tell her how we feel.”
I wipe tears from my cheeks, “No, I should’ve told her the truth. I should’ve just been honest from day one.”
“What even is the truth?” He snaps, starting to get aggravated with my attitude.
“I don’t know,” I huff, “That we were both upset. That we found comfort in being together?”
He growls, slamming his fist into the bathroom vanity, “Those are excuses, and you know it! They aren’t the truth.”
I feel this massive lump in my throat as I push past him through the doorway and grab my keys. I can’t breathe. I have to get out of here.
“Why can’t you just call it what it is, huh?”
My back is to him with my hand on the knob, I can’t look back at him because I know he will see it on my face, and right now, I need to save my relationship with Hanna. I turn the knob and head down the sidewalk, walking straight to where I’ve been hiding my car for the past two months. I slip quietly into the driver’s seat and sob.
CHAPTER 20
ERIC
I don’t remember getting Hanna’s key from under the mat, yet here I am, sitting at my kitchen table with the metal between my fingers. The key is cold and hard against my skin.
I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself.
I can’t believe I allowed myself to fall into something after everything with Hanna. It was too fast. Karly, though, was helping me heal. I fell for her, and I fell hard. But unlike my relationship with Hanna, I didn’t come crashing down. I’m still falling.
She said she felt calm today, which made me feel like everything was falling into place. I just didn’t realize how fragile that feeling was. It was quickly taken away, and I was naive to think I could hold back time.
It was always temporary, that safe feeling. What isn’t temporary is that I’m in love with her. I should be talking to Hanna, but the only thing I want to do is find Karly. Call her, drive to her apartment, and ensure she’s okay. I want to prove to her that everything will be okay. And it will because I’m going to tell Hanna the truth. I’m going to explain everything.
I take out my phone and send a text:
Me: We need to talk.
The bubbles on the screen appear and disappear before a text comes through.
Hanna: Oh, now you want to talk?
A sharp pinch in my chest takes my breath. I would never intentionally hurt Hanna. No matter what happened between us. I think for a second about what I could say, but another text comes in before I get it out of my mind.