I pull up off of her, straightening her dress down. “I promise it will be worth the wait.”
She nods and follows me to my truck. The entire ten-minute drive is completely silent. No music, no words, only the sound of us both breathing.
When I pull into the empty lot, I sense that Karly doesn’t know where we are. She unbuckles her seatbelt and squints out the windshield into the night.
“Come with me,” I instruct, killing the engine.
She steps around the front of the truck, grabbing my stretched-out hand. “Where are we?”
The parking lot is empty, and the darkness hides the ocean over the banks of sand.
“The beach,” I whisper, pulling her behind me down the boardwalk.
“But why?” She squeezes my hand, “You hate the beach.”
We step off the bottom step and into the sand. The wind is a little chilly, so it causes the hair on my arms to stand. I take Karly into my arms, nothing illuminating the water but the moonlight. “I needed to bring you here tonight.”
She crosses her arms over her chest, shivering, so I take off my coat and drape it around her shoulders like a cape. We sit next to each other with her head on my shoulder, and I tell her everything. I tell her about the surprise party, Emma, and how I almost killed Zack. I basically pour the words out of my mouth and into her lap for over an hour. She doesn’t complain, she doesn’t try and change the subject, she just listens. She hears the words I’m saying, and by the look on her face, I’d say she feels them, too.
“That’s awful, Eric. I’m so sorry that happened.”
I blow a deep sigh through my nostrils, glancing at the ground, “I can’t even look at the sand without seeing the look on Emma’s face when I found her. It kills me to think I could’ve saved her from that. I should have.”
She turns to face me, “You can’t do that. You can’t blame yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.”
“But it was!” I cry, “it was my fault. I drank two drinks tonight, and just the party atmosphere took me back there. I couldn’t find Emma, I started to panic, and that’s when I saw that asshole with his hand on you. I’m sorry I reacted that way.”
“Thanks for telling me about your past.”
I sigh, “The last thing I wanted was for you to think that was a normal reaction for me because it’s not. I don’t want to control you. I want to tell you how lucky I am to be in your life every day.”
She jumps the tiny gap between us to kiss me, pulling away fast, “I’m assuming you never told Hanna any of that? Why?”
I stare out into the waves, “I tried to tell her a few times. It never felt like the right time.”
She pats the sand with her hands, allowing the sand to slip through her fingers, “I know exactly what you mean. That’s how I felt telling her about my eating disorder. I didn’t want to taint her with my impurity. That’s kind of how I feel around you.”
“What?” I croak.
“You’re too good for me.” She shrugs.
I stand up, pulling her behind me to the water’s edge.
“Oh my God!” She squeals, “the water is freezing!”
I laugh, “I was hoping it would shock those ridiculous thoughts out of your mind.”
She smacks my arm, “I’m just telling you how I feel.”
I pull her closer into my arms, “Let me tell you how I feel. I feel like I want to be these waves.”
“What do you mean?” She laughs.
“I mean, that no matter what happens with Hanna on Sunday. I want to be steady. I’ll be there for you, no matter what. Just like these waves keep crashing against the shore.”
CHAPTER 19
KARLY