Suddenly, this is what our whole fuckingbrandis going to be based on.
And I just… I felt sick. I hated it. Hated what it had become. Something that was supposed to be softer and personal—something to be woven into the darker chapters of our lives to shine a little bit of light and give a little bit of hope—was standing front and center, potentially overshadowing everything else.
It felt like a lie. Like a disservice to everything we’ve been through—what we’re allstillgoing through—all the blood, sweat, and tears poured into an album that’s been years in the making.
It no longer felt likeus.
And fuck if I was scared people would no longer appreciate all the rest, if this is what the Lost Boys ended up being known for outside of the bubble of TikTok.
Our grief—our pain—isloud,maybe even too loud to be digestible. So I get it. I get why the label has every reason to want to market the album around this one lighter song, especially with it being our first.
To them, it’s just business. It’s all about the money, about what sells, what’s marketable.
But for us, music is what saved our lives. Whatkeepson saving our lives.
It’s what kept our hearts beating when it felt like we had nothing else. It’s every vice of ours, every demon, channeled into something a little less ugly. Something that feels…purposeful.
And that’s not something I, or the guys, are willing to sacrifice, even if it means we don’t reach as many people as we would if we just “lighten up a bit.”
Not Paul’s exact words, but that’s the gist of it. And I know he wasn’t trying to be a dick about it. He just doesn’t get it. He wasn’t there. He’s never been on our side of the fence.
He’s one of the lucky ones, I suppose, and that’sokay.That just means we have to push a little harder to stay true to ourselves.
My thoughts return to the present just as Mason and I let the last note fade as one.
He’s nodding, and so am I. Both of our chests heaving, like we’re still connected in some indefinable way.
I wet my lips, slide the headphones off, and glance toward the glass where Bryce, our producer, and Paul give up enthusiastic thumbs up.
“That was it,” Mason whispers.
Sliding him a sideways glance, my mouth crooks up as I pant, “Yeah.”
That was it.
Don’t get me wrong. Ilovethe original, lighter version of this song and what it stood for. Not only my song forWill,but my song for me, for what kept me hanging on when literally nothing else did, music and my family included.
But I only love it as much as I do becauseIwas the one wholivedit. I lived the darkness that led up to that perfect sunrise. I appreciate it in a way I don’t think many others could.
And it’s that fucking fact that made me ultimately decide the world’s not ready for it.I’mnot ready for the world to have it.
It’s still there, though, that underlying heartbeat. But it’s no longer so glaring compared to the rest of the album. The song is grittier now. It’s edgy and raw. Something worthy of being the title track without sacrificing who we are at our core.
At least, who we arenow.
Maybe the original will fit one day, but we’re not there yet.I’mnot there yet.
This is just our beginning. And I’m not about to rush through all the dark, ugly stuff, just to make it more palatable to those on the outside looking in.
Outside the sound booth, Bryce meets us with hand slaps. “That was the one! You fuckin’ killed it.”
Shawn appears behind him, nodding.
I swallow and nod back before risking a glance at Paul. Despite the thumbs up he gave us, I can’t help but worry he’ll still insist we need to add something lighter, more cheery.
His head’s cocked as he studies me. Not Mason, butme,and I try not to squirm.
Paul knew what he got into when we hired him, and hell, it’s even written somewhere in our contract. Not just with him, but the label. We do this, but we do it our way. That was always the deal.