So I smush his cheeks and lift his face, forcing him to meet my steady gaze.
“If you ever hold back with me again,” I tell him gravely, fighting a smile. “I’ll never forgive you.”
Deep ocean blue eyes search mine, like he’s looking for something. I don’t know what it is, but whatever he finds has redness creeping around the edges and tears welling at the bottoms.
What the—
My grip on his face loosens just as he chokes out, “I-I missed you.”
My shoulders drop. Chest collapses. Heart splits wide open.
This guy. This fucking guy.
Will hangs his head, and I don’t think, I just wrap him in my arms, and pull him close to me. Tucking his face into my shoulder as I hug him as hard as I can.
“I missed you so much,” he says into my neck, his voice thick and muffled as strong arms come around me. Water continues to cascade down on us, still hot somehow, though we’ve long since gotten used to it.
Eyes burning, throat tight, I nod against his head. “I know, baby. I know.”
He shudders and I squeeze my eyes shut.
Our exhaustion is this living, breathing thing between us. I can feel his as much as mine. And while there’s relief there too, I can’t help but acknowledge the dread creeping its spindly unwanted fingers around our shoulders. Whispering into our ears as we hold ourselves tighter, breathe in each other harder.
As if we could push away the inevitable with the sheer force of our will and love alone.
My mouth twitches sadly at the thought.Pun intended.
“I’m sorry.”
“Shut up,” I tell him, voice breaking. I bury my nose in his wet hair. “Shut up so hard.”
His shoulders shake at that and I smile.
He’s bigger than me, only just. And usually a force strong enough to withstand anything.
But tonight, right now, he’s mine to hold. Mine to protect. Mine to shield from what tomorrow might bring.
It took fucking forever for him to let me see him like this. To let mein. Months spent trying to be stoic and fierce as he helped me fight offmydemons…
Only for the demons at his back to gather an army and pull him under when we least expected it. When he could no longer hold them back alone and I was left grappling.
I squeeze my eyes shut until I see spots.
We weren’t good for each other last year.
Iwasn’t good forhim.
Because he was in Hell too, and I was too weak to see it. Too weak to do much of anything but hang on for dear life to whatever I could grab.
He’s still there sometimes, as am I.
But I’m stronger now.
Strong enough to withstand whatever comeshisway… even if I can’t always be strong enough for myself.
Pun 110 percent intended.
Because that’s why I have him,I remind myself.