He chuckled. “That’s such a Cerridwen offer. Waffles and whiskey. Do you know what I would give for a morning of waffles, whiskey, and…” Once more, he paused.
It was like there was something on the tip of his tongue that he had to keep pulling back. My heart leapt in nervous anticipation. He wasn’t going to say it. Even if he did, I had a feeling that I was just a body in this scenario. He didn’t want me, he wanted the warmth of a woman to settle the hungry beast lurking inside him.
It happened to most shifters. Their animals had an insatiable appetite for food and flesh. He probably wasn’t much different. Though…Rhoan had explained his vow. He couldn’t take women in that way. Which likely meant his beast was extra frustrated.
I stepped into the kitchen so that I could make him something to eat. The entire time, I was aware of his presence. His heat warmed me like the sun shining down on my skin. There wasn’t a moment where I couldn’t feel him near.
I had to stop giving him so much thought. He didn’t deserve my heart like that. Even if he was a smoking hot fae warrior with a mysterious beast hidden just beneath the surface.
A blush reached my cheeks. I rolled my eyes at myself. I was ridiculous. The last thing I needed in my life was a man, especially an unpredictable one like Rhoan. He said one thing and did another. Maybe he was competent, as I’d seen several times over, but he wasn’t reliable in the least.
When I finished making him a thick sandwich laden with meat, I paused and laughed at the ridiculous stereotype. This wasn’t because I wanted to serve him. I just wanted him to deal with his damned beast so I could stop romanticizing him.
I shoved the sandwich in front of him and moved to the opposite side of the kitchen island to put space between us. As he ate, I thought back to the time when I’d still been under the impression that I would become a shifter like my father. I’d been so excited to have a mate someday.
Then, when my first shift never came, I’d had to deal with the disappointment of knowing that I would never have that kind of all consuming love that my parents had. No one would ever hold me the way that Ryder held Ness. No one would look at me the way that Morgan watched Vi.
No one would protect me the way Maddox protected Addie.
“You’re crying,” Rhoan said, his voice like gravel.
I shoved away from the kitchen island and put my back to him. Before I could get far, a pair of arms wrapped around my middle. Rhoan pulled me back into him and held me close to his chest. When he buried his face in the crook of my neck, I nearly broke.
He held me tight. My lungs clenched as the ache in my chest spread and nearly turned me into a sobbing mess. This was what I wanted. This was what Ineeded.
“It’s going to be okay,” Rhoan whispered into my shoulder the same way I’d said to him earlier.
I held onto his arm for dear life. This moment would end, but I would hold onto it for as long as I possibly could. He’d seen my struggle, no matter how hard I’d tried to hide it. The man had seen right through me.
He turned me around and pulled me even closer, this time cupping the back of my head. He made soft sounds to comfort me as I balled my fists in the front of his shirt.
He huffed a laugh and said, “This isn’t how I expected the night to go.”
I couldn’t help but laugh into his shirt. It nearly dissipated the tears building in my eyes.
Almost.
22
CERRI
Iwoke to a ferret on my face. The little creature pried my eyes open, exposing them to the sun. I groaned and swatted at him, but he skittered out of the way and scrambled back onto my face where he snatched up a fallen tear from my cheek.
“Why are you crying in your sleep, Princess?”
Because every time I closed my eyes, another version of me died.
I didn’t say that, though. I let Feri crawl off my face and onto a pillow. When I turned onto my side, I saw Rhoan standing with his arms over his chest just past the veil of flowers. His shoulders were pulled up tight, nearly to his ears, like he was concerned and ready for a fight.
I sighed. I’d been keeping this to myself, but for what? There didn’t seem to be a good reason for my hesitation anymore.
“I think my timeline is frayed,” I confessed. “I don’t know why it’s just me, but I can tell that Beryl is taking advantage of it. She’s figured out how to kill other versions of me.”
Rhoan and Feri shared a look. I couldn’t read what passed between them. I was too busy staring at the growing wet spot on my pillow from the tears still running down my face. At this point, I wasn’t crying.
The other versions of me were.
“I think they’re just nightmares,” Feri said once he turned back to me. He hopped closer and put a little paw to my cheek. “You are stressed from the weight of your duties. Beryl has been showing you the consequences of your hesitation as of late. It makes sense that you would grow to fear her.”