It had been easy to keep her fears at bay over the years—buried deep inside her, topped with the cement lid of her willpower—but that cement lid had been smashed by Xander. She’d gone over and over their conversation in her mind, trying to figure out how Xander had gotten her to tell him her secret. She’d decided she’d have been able to hold on to her secret if he hadn’t touched her.
She closed her eyes at the memory of how that simple touch to her arm—a caress so gentle and yet so insistent—had sent an invisible charge which had broken her defenses and sent the truth pouring out, leaving her afraid and wanting to crawl into the darkness where no one could get to her.
She swallowed and folded her arms across her stomach, trying to settle the rapid beating of her heart and the queasiness in her stomach.
Then she felt his swift gaze upon her and she felt as exposed as if she lay naked on the star-lit plain. Their gaze tangled briefly before they both abruptly looked away.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, Ela,” Xander said quietly, as they approached the looming outline of the castle. “I would never hurt you, or do anything you don’t want to do. You know that, don’t you?”
She nodded. He also had an uncanny way of knowing how she was feeling. Xander, the arrogant playboy, had hidden depths about which she knew nothing.
“Don’t you?” He repeated the question, not seeing the movement of her head in the shadowy car.
“Yes,” she said, because it was true. Despite all her profound fears she trusted Xander, or else she wouldn’t have come. She cleared her throat. “Yes,” she repeated, louder. “I do.”
“Good,” he said. She could hear his relief in the exhaled word. “We should arrive in five minutes.”
Fear fluttered once more in her gut as she looked up at the castle, which grew larger with each passing mile. It was as dark as the sky was bright. But she knew it was a darkness which couldn’t hide her, that she’d be more exposed than ever once she stepped inside.
The fortress origins of the desert castle were impossible to hide. It loomed over the desert plains like a threat, which was exactly what it was. It represented an ancient power of the Havilah kingdom when it had been one land—a power which Xander had in spades. A power he was using both to protect her and to challenge her. It seemed one went with the other and she couldn’t stop it even if she wanted to. Because, bottom line, she knew he was right. She was still punishing herself for something bad that was done to her long ago. She knew it, but she didn’t feel it. And it seemed Xander wanted to help her to feel it.
Xander drove through the gates which were opened by unseen people and promptly closed again. She’d never entered the castle through the gate before. Her visits had always been by helicopter which meant she’d never seen the power of the castle before.
The car doors banged shut with an echoing metallic clang around the apparently deserted courtyard. Dust hung in the air from the car’s entrance, and dark shadows, cast by the soaring stone walls, loomed up on all sides. She paused for a moment and looked around. She was safe from external threat here—the writer of the threatening notes. She knew that. She was no longer in physical danger, but emotionally? She risked a quick glance at Xander who was waiting for her by the door, his eyes fixed on her, as if reading the very heart of her.
She took a long, slow breath of courage and walked towards him, focusing on his shoes. They were highly polished and the outside lights glanced off them. She stopped in front of him.
He lifted her chin with his finger and she looked up. He nodded. “That’s better. I hate it when you look down.”
“Why?”
“It’s not you. It’s not my fearsome Ela.”
She opened her eyes wide, surprised at his possessive words. “You like me being fearsome?”
He brought his head closer to hers. A faint smile played on his lips. “I likeyou, beingyou.”
She blinked as tears pricked her eyes. It was a strange compliment, not one she’d read about, but it got to her and it felt the most valuable thing anyone had ever said to her.
He stepped aside and indicated that she should enter the castle. She stepped into the great hall, brightly lit with flickering torches thrust into ancient wall sconces, and suddenly thought that the next time she stepped through these doors, she’d be a changed woman.
The more timeXander spent with this different version of Ela, the more he believed he was doing the right thing. As some of his staff approached Ela, she looked to him for reassurance. He winced inside. He hated seeing her this way.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to hide from anyone inside the castle. That’s why we came here after all. It’s totally safe. No one can enter or leave unless I say so, and all telecommunications are monitored.”
She nodded, still appearing unsure, and he watched her follow the housekeeper and maid up the stairs to her room. As soon as she disappeared he turned to his butler.
“Whiskey, please. Make it a double.” He pushed his fingers through his short hair. “Second thoughts, bring me the bottle.”
“Certainly, Your Highness. Where do you wish me to bring it?”
“The first floor library.”
For all its fortress-like origins, and more recent uses as a hunting lodge, certain rooms in the desert castle had been refurbished over a century earlier like a London club. Incongruous, maybe, but Xander had never felt so grateful as when he closed the door to the hall, and was surrounded by the familiar smell of leather, books, and polish. The narrow stone-framed windows looked out to the distant horizon, a thick navy line scoring the division between the starry sky and the darker hamada plains, whose contours were highlighted by the silver light. He briefly looked to the foothills of the mountain range before drawing the curtains across. He hated looking at that place where the old Bedouin camp had been, now deserted. It was a place which he never wanted to visit again, and which brought back memories which still managed to cut him to the core.
He looked up as his servant entered the library with the whiskey and a tray of snacks.
“Will Her Royal Highness, Queen Elaheh be joining you, sir?”