“There’s nothing simple about this.” He swore under his breath and held her face tight in his hands. “Listen to me, Ela. You’re wrong. Something awful was done to you and it wasn’t your fault. It resulted in damage, which also wasn’t your fault. And your fear of sex, that, also is not your fault. You can’t keep punishing yourself for something which wasn’t your fault.”
“I’m simply stating the facts.”
“Okay, I accept they are facts as you see them now. But I want you to promise me something.”
“What?”
“I want you to give me a chance, to show you what love can be like between a man and a woman.”
“You’ve been so good to me, Xander, but I don’t know if I can do that for you.”
“I don’t want you to do that forme. I want you to do that foryou. You deserve to know the truth about life, about love. You deserve a happy future. With or without me. Will you do that?”
“You wish to inflict upon me that which I fear the most? Why should I promise you something which I dread? Why would you do that to me?”
“Because you’re hurting, and I want to make you well.”
She shook her head and made a derisory sound, but he pressed his finger to her lips.
“Wait, give me a chance to explain. Say, you have a fear of flying, how do you treat that?”
“Not by flying. That would only make it worse.”
“You’re right. But by showing you, little by little, that you have nothing to fear, and everything to gain. I’ll show you how to change your thinking about it.”
“And how will you do that?”
“By making you feel good.” He pushed her hair from her face, and as his gaze roved over her face and he smiled so kindly at her, something melted inside. Fear. She wasn’t afraid of him anymore. “There will be no pain, no uncertainty, no fear. Do you trust me?”
She nodded. There was nothing else she could do. In that moment she committed to him in a way she’d never done to anyone else before. She trusted him with that thing she revered the most—her innermost fears.
“Good.” He stepped away from her. “We start tonight, after we reach the desert castle.”
“Tonight?” Fear suddenly reached up and grabbed her again.
“Tonight, Ela. We will sleep close to each other, and, if you are willing, I will hold you in my arms. And that is all I will do. Tonight then?”
Despite his plans, she knew that he was asking permission to continue.
She nodded, and summoned up a brief smile. “Tonight,” she confirmed.
But as she watched him walk away, she wondered what on earth she was letting herself in for. But, even as she wondered that, she felt calm inside. The calm was holding. At least for the time being.
Chapter 7
The desert sky at night usually comforted Elaheh, but not tonight.
Tonight, everything was too bright—from the star-sprinkled sky, to the lop-sided waning moon, no longer full but still shining too brightly onto the open plains which led to the desert castle of Havilah.
Elaheh bit her lip and stared out the car window, wishing the stony plains, burnished silver under the moonlight, would sink into the dark oblivion of the inky shadows which pooled beneath the rocky outcrops and be hidden from the world. And her along with it.
She didn’t want anyone to see her.
She didn’t want the world to bear witness to her fears.
She glanced at Xander who drove in silence, his narrowed gaze either looking directly ahead, or, occasionally, into his rear-vision mirror, to check his security team were still following. The lights from their cars confirmed their presence. Yet more lights in a world that seemed to be conspiring against her.
She looked out the window again. Despite the fact they were seated side by side, she felt distant from Xander, which was how she wanted to keep it. But she knew his intention was the opposite and it scared the hell out of her.