You can’t have a person. You can’t keep a person.
People moved in and out of his life. Of everyone’s lives. That was the point. There was no such thing as ‘for ever’. He knew that intimately. They left—through travel, through death. He would lose her. He would lose this child. He was suddenly certain. He couldn’t let it happen—but he knew he couldn’t stop it. Things—and people—could be lost or destroyed too easily. They could disappear.
Violet came from the other side of the world. He’d lost his sister on the other side of the world, and his parents. He’d come back home alone. Having Violet and the baby on the other side of the world wasn’t going to happen. He had to convince her to stay with him and he’d do it by whatever means necessary. She thought she couldn’t be seduced into marriage—he’d see about that. Failure was an unacceptable, impossible outcome.
So he pulled the sheet from her, moved over her, relentless and ravenous in his quest to secure her acquiescence. Nothing mattered more in this instant than being with her—honest and hot. She was like quicksilver in his arms—pliant and pleasing, so willing. The sweetest, steamiest of lovers, increasingly adventurous and increasingly ravenous too. She met him, matched him. Vanquished him.
But afterwards he lay awake, listening to her gentle deep breathing. He couldn’t hold on to her. Heshouldn’t. Because, while he could get her to screamyesto him, while he could satisfy her between these sheets...for how long would she actually be happy? Not long at all. Because this wasn’t what she wanted. He wasn’t what she wanted.
He slid out of bed but didn’t turn on the lights, not wanting to wake her. He sat in the chair and tried to think his way through the impossible problem. But he was tired and his head wasn’t working right.
Telling her about the past hadn’t helped in any way. And they certainly hadn’t got rid of any of that chemistry, even though he’d lost count of how many times they’d had sex today. He tried not to watch her sleeping. It was too much of a ‘freaky stalker’ thing to do. But she looked so beautifully relaxed, he was almost jealous. He was sorely tempted to curl beside her. To pull her against him felt like the only way he would ever get rest again. But the dreams hadn’t just returned, they were worsening. And he couldn’t risk her hearing him or him kicking out again.
Indulging in physical pleasure was satisfying but ultimately pointless in terms of sorting their future. They were merely treading water. And he couldn’t sleep with her—actuallysleep.
Which meant they couldn’t stay on this train.
CHAPTER NINE
Christmas Eve
‘VIOLET?YOUNEEDto wake up.’
Violet stirred and rolled over with a reluctant sigh. She smiled and opened her eyes—expecting Roman to be beside her. But he wasn’t.
She sat up and saw him fully dressed and back behind that wretched work desk. ‘What’s wrong? Didn’t you sleep again?’
‘I’m okay.’
She knew he wasn’t. He’d talked to her and they’d had an amazing night but he wasn’t okay. Something felt wrong—worse, in fact. This was like the calm before a storm. Then she realised there was a literal stillness that hadn’t been present in days. ‘The train isn’t moving.’
Roman didn’t look surprised or concerned.
‘What’s happening?’ She brushed aside the curtain to peek out of the window. ‘We’re in a siding. Roman, you should see the view from here. It’s stunning. Are we in Colorado? It isbeautiful.’
She could see snow, huge skies, mountains. And there was another sound, growing louder. She watched round-eyed as a helicopter landed in the field beside the railway tracks. She turned and looked at Roman’s expressionless face. ‘That’s for us, isn’t it?’
‘Yes. So you need to get dressed. Okay?’
She didn’t want to get dressed, she wanted to understand what was going on. ‘Where are we going?’
‘I think we need space.’
His words stabbed her heart. He wanted distance from her.
‘I can’t think clearly when you’re this close,’ he said.
‘Do you need to think?’ Weren’t they just...living day by day through this? Wouldn’t they work it all out eventually?
‘Always. But especially now.’ He drew in a breath. ‘Plus, you get to see a little more of the country. That’s a win, right?’
She nodded. But she couldn’t help a small worry from growing.
‘I should have talked to you first before arranging everything but you were asleep.’
‘You didn’t sleep well again.’ She gazed at him. ‘Bad dreams?’
He hesitated and there was the briefest flicker of vulnerability on his face. ‘I haven’t had them in a long while.’