Tanner sighed, defeated. “Fine, but if I do this, then we do it together. Nothing backstage. No booze, everyone is sober with me. You, the crew, everyone. If I see a drink or a drug, I’ll break. I need everyone to be dry with me.”
“What? You suffer, so we all have to?” Mav fired out, but I moved closer to Tanner, placing my hand on his leg.
“Whatever you need. We’re all in, Tan.”
Getting back to the hotel, exhausted, I showered and pulled on a plain tank and some black pajama bottoms, before stepping out into the living area of the penthouse. Searching the cupboards, I pulled out all the bottles of liquor I could find, lining them up before tipping them down the sink, wanting to remove any temptation from Tanner.
The sound of a cough shocked me as I thought I was here alone. Looking up, I saw the other person who lived on my shitlist along with Tanner.Matt Howells.
I’d barely spoken to him since the night in his room. I dealt with him when I had to, but I did whatever I could to avoid conversations or being alone with him.
“Matt?”
“Rogue.”
“Not my name, Matt. What are you doing here?” I asked, unable to hide the anger from my voice.
“Addi asked me to grab some stuff for Tanner and…” he pointed to the bottles I was emptying, “Do what you’re doing. Apparently, our boy’s going sober for a while.”
“About time. He’s a dickhead. He nearly died.”
“I know. I saw the state of him last night. He was a mess. How is he now?”
“Alive, so that’s something.”
Matt nodded, obviously as worried about Tanner as the rest of us.
“And you?”
His question shocked me. I stared up at his deep green eyes. Memories of his mouth on mine, while he stretched me with his fingers, flashed through my mind. Emotion smashed into me like a truck. Forcing it back down, I straightened my back and pushed my head higher. I would not let this asshole have the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
“I’m alive too, so, you know?” I shrugged.
“No old school PJs tonight? It’s not like you.”
“Shows what you know. I’ve not worn them for ages. Someone suggested that I should think about growing up. They weren’t exactly sexy, apparently.”
“What the fuck? Who is telling you what to wear to bed?” Matt growled.
“It’s not like it matters. Tanner made sure of that,” I replied quietly, my heart hurting from everything that happened.
“Maybe your brother did you a favor.”
I grabbed the counter, trying to curb my anger. “By beating my boyfriend half to death for no good reason?”
I watched Matt’s face harden. “Still, you shouldn’t let anyone tell you that you need to change. You’re perfect just the way you are.”
His words were like a slap to the face. I used to think there was something between us, and I couldn’t believe I’d got it so wrong. Another reason I was avoiding people of the opposite sex for the foreseeable future. It wasn’t worth the pain and heartache.
“So perfect that you still had your fingers in my pussy when you rejected me.”
Matt’s face fell, the color draining from it. It was the first time we had talked about what happened. In fact, it was the first time I’d been alone in a room with him. I’d tried for years to push it out of my head, but it was always there. The flames of lust and desire he’d ignited with his touch, followed by the shame he’d doused me in.
Matt leaned against the wall as he stared at me. “Frankie, it was never a rejection. What we did… I wanted that. But it’s complicated. I couldn’t do that to you.”
“Do what?”
“Hurt you.”