I sit back and pay attention to the warmth of the coffee as it slides down my throat. Outside the carriage, scenery rushes past at a speed that makes my ears fizz. “Did you know?” I look from Mack to Luther. “That he’d been visiting?”
They both shake their heads, which makes me feel marginally better; at least it wasn’t just me who got left out of the loop.
“Maybe he thought you’d…” Mack trails off. He’s not often lost for words but an awkward hesitation hums around him.
“It’s okay,” I tell him. “You can say it—maybe he thought it would make me sad to know that his family can forgive the things he did whereas mine can’t stand to look at me anymore?”
Mack presses his lips together and nods a little.
“That’s not the reason—” Kole’s voice makes me turn around. He’s still hugging Nova, but he’s looking at me.
I wait for him to explain.
Gently, Kole sits up. It makes Nova stir and, when she moves, Sam does too. As they yawn and blink at the dim morning light of the carriage, Kole scrapes his hair back to expose the ink on his neck. “At least, not all of the reason.” He crosses his arms. “I didn’t want anyone to know I’m still in contact with them because I didn’t want them to be in danger.”
Something flashes in my gut. Hurt and indignation. “You mean you didn’t want them to be used against you? Used to manipulate you? The way mine were?” I stand and stride over to him.
Kole rises slowly. He’s taller than me and broader than me. Looking at him right now, I have no idea if I want to punch him or fuck him. “Yes,” he says, meeting my eyes.
“You didn’t trust that we’d keep your secret?” I glance back at Luther and Mack, who are still sitting down, watching as if they have no intention of getting involved.
As we stare at one another, Nova scrambles to her feet. She puts her hand on my arm and tilts her head to meet my eyes, “Tanner? What’s going on?”
Sam stands too but moves over beside Mack. He still looks half asleep.
“Tanner?” Nova asks again, smiling a little. “Everything okay?”
I open my mouth to explain, but no words come out. Kole’s done nothing wrong. He saw what the League did to my family—what they made me do, using my parents as leverage—and took steps to prevent the same thing happening to him or his own people. It just hurts to know I never got that chance.
I meet Kole’s gaze. He puts his hands into his pockets and just stands there waiting, as if he knows I’m about to realize my anger isn’t meant for him. He nods at me. My muscles untense. Kole squeezes my shoulder then gestures to the flask I’m holding. “That for sharing?”
I pass it over.
“Okay?” he asks.
“Okay.”
Watching us, Nova frowns. Her face is delightfully crumpled, lines from Kole’s t-shirt on her cheek, her hair all kinds of messy after our group activities last night. “What just happened?” she asks, folding her arms in front of her stomach. “What did I miss?”
“I’ll explain later,” I promise her. “It’s nothing to worry about. I was being an asshole.”
“No, you weren’t,” Kole says gruffly. “But you’re right, the explanation can wait.” He walks over to the open side of the carriage and hangs on to it as he sticks his head out. Pointing into the distance, at the shadowy silhouette of a mountain range and the swathes of forest in front of it, he says, “Almost our stop. Hope you’ve all got your crash helmets ready.”
* * *
“I thoughtwe were heading for a train station?” Nova puts her hands on her hips. “You’re telling me we’ve got to leap from a moving train? That sounds ridiculously unsafe.”
“It’ll slow down as it passes through the next station, but it’s a cargo train. No stops.” Kole picks up his backpack and shrugs it onto his shoulders, then turns to the crates behind us. With one swift blow, barely stopping for breath, he smashes one open. Small plastic beads spill out onto the floor of the train along with at least two-hundred yellow rubber ducks.
“Help me with this,” Kole turns to me as he breaks the lid off.
I take it from him as he pulls the rest of the crate apart, then turns to another and does the same. When he’s finished, we’re standing in a field of yellow ducks and plastic beads looking at a stack of wooden crate pieces.
“Couldn’t have been crates of booze, could it?” Luther mutters.
“We jump at the same time. Just past the station there’s a section of track with a slope on this side. It goes down into the forest.” Kole hands Mack one of the crate pieces then gestures for everyone else to take one. “Start at the back.” He jerks his head over his shoulder. “Running jump.” He pats the piece of wood he’s holding. “Land on this like it’s a sled, belly down, and slide down the slope into the trees.” He looks around the group. “Okay?”
As the rest of us nod, Nova’s face pales. I tell her, “You’ll be fine. The running jump counteracts the train’s velocity. The sled softens the impact because it helps you keep moving fast.”