It was more than that. “You cost me time with her.”
“Really? Youwantedto sit there with her as she vomited.” Her face took on a greenish hue as if recalling the memories soured her own stomach. “No, thank you.”
“Don’t you regret it?”
“Seeing her that ill?”She planted her foot firmly on the ground and thrust her hands into her pockets. “Not for a single moment. That wasn’t Mom. The disease had taken over and killed who she was.”
A gasp escaped me and hung in the air between us.
She reached out a hand andsqueezed my arm. “I will always remember the good times, and the fun we used to have, but I don’t want to remember her when she was at her worst. That’s why I was never home. And a good thing too because look at what it did to you.” She stabbed me in the chest with a long finger. “You used to be so strong, and strong willed. You never gave up on anything and you fought the good fight. Now, you’ve walked away from your marriage and given up on having a family…”
I thrust my hand in front of her face. “Stop.You know nothing about my marriage to Charlie. Nothing.” My voice rose. “And happiness isn’t about just having kids and being in a marriage, it’s about finding someone who respects you and cares for you. Look at Mom and Dad; he loved her more than anything else on the planet, and she loved him the same way. Charlie and me? We were never like that, and looking back now, I can see that. It was as if we settled for each other. Charlie wasn’t a risk taker, and I wasn’t much of a risk.”
“Don’t talk about yourself that way.”
“I was never you. I couldn’t go to a party and be this beacon of light and energy, the popular gal everyone wanted to hang with.”
“Were you jealous?”
I nodded, despite my unwillingness to do so. “So much. You were everything I wanted to be.”
“Oh wow.”
“You got everything you ever wanted.”
“As did you.”
“No, I didn’t.” I shook my head and stared in Jesse’s direction as he paced back and forth. “But that’s okay. I’m working on it. I’m working on being me and, most important, liking me. I’m trying new things, and I’m stepping outside my comfort zone.”
“Like being back here?”
“Yeah.” A smile leaked from the edges of my lips. “I came herebecauseof you. Regardless of what things are like between us, you’re still my little sister. I promised Dad I would take care of you.”
“Did he know about your issues with Charlie?”
I shook my head. “I’ve barely told anyone. Work knows, as I had to amend all sorts of paperwork, and well, Jesse knows. It fell out of me the first night here.”
“Your marriage istruly over?”
“Well before we split up.” I squared my shoulders, the pressure lifted. “Charlie’sgetting married in the summer.”
“No shit!” Lily’s eyes widened and she shook her head. “That didn’t take long. About Jesse, what’s going on with that?” She asked like a little sister would ask a big sister, with wide eyed curiosity, before she flipped her gaze over to where his pacing was picking up speed.
“Not sure yet, but I wouldn’t mind finding out.”
“What’s holding you back?”
“Fear.” A burden I’d been carrying around for years shattered all around me as I said the word. “What if I’m not good enough?”
“What if you are?” Her eyes lit up.“Go find out!”
Chapter Thirteen
Lily wrapped me in a hug, something I was really starting to enjoy, until she pushed me away with a huge grin pushing up the corners of her eyes. “What are you waiting for? Go to him.”
What was I waiting for?
I hadenjoyed that kiss and wanted more from Jesse, but how could we make it work? My home and work were six hours away. That alone should’ve put the brakes on anything, but yet, it was impossible to deny the connection between us, and the way it continued to grow in strength.