The small groupbroke up, and Lily walked me to the front door as much as I enjoyed the company, I was anxious to leave. It was a constant reminder of all I’d lost, and try as I did, jealousy wasn’t a colour I wanted anyone to see me wearing.
“You know, you are more than welcome to hang out with us today.” She leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest, a sweet expression on her face. “We’ll have some Christmas cheer and wait for the fat man to dance his way down the chimney.”
I rolled my eyesas my arms pushed into the sleeves of my jacket.
“It doesn't need to be all doom and gloom.”
I inhaled sharply and looked beyond her toconfirm we were alone. “I am not all doom and gloom.”
“Mo, I watched you staring at Cedar as she nursed.”
“Yeah, well.”My face burned from the rapid induction of heat and I stepped outside, hoping the cool air would work its way across my cheeks.
“It’ll happen for you.You and Charlie, you’re the perfect couple. It’s meant to happen.” She brushed her fingers through her blonde tresses. “You’ll get pregnant soon.”
If she only knew. My mouth opened, and I wanted the words to fall out, but something blocked them fromexiting.
“I’m trying to change this holiday, Mo. Make it better, you know.”
Slowly, I backed up to the edge of the landing and put my foot down on the first stair, unable to form coherent sentences.
“I miss her too.”
I searched my sister’s face, looking for any hint of truth in her words. With Lily, she’d never held back, and the earnestness was evident in her voice. Mine, however, laid open raw and exposed. “Do you? Do you really?”
She shruggedand the weight of the world sagged her shoulders. “Some of us chose to move on with our lives, and not let it be the major factor in deciding what to do or how to celebrate. Mom wouldn't want you moping and whining this way. Mom would want you out there living your best life, and you know it to be true.”
I half expected her to walk back in the house and slam the door, instead, she stood there with an empathetic grin on her face; maybe becoming a mother herself totally changed her outlook on life. My chin tucked into my chest as my hair fell like curtains on my cheeks. I had no response.
Instead of giving her a witty comeback, or smart assed come back, I simply nodded until the right words formed. “Maybe you’re right.”
“I love you, Mona.”
“And I love you too, Lily.” I stepped off the stairs and stood on the sidewalk looking up my little sister.
There was so much I wanted to tell her, so much I wanted to explain, but this wasn't the place, so with a quick little wave I took off and headed back to Jesse's.
Chapter Nine
Lily’s words echoed through my head, pushing me to Jesse’s faster and faster. I ran up the stairs and knocked before I entered.
“How was the day before wedding breakfast?” Jesse sat on the stool at the island, peeling another mandarin.
“It was good.”
“Did you tell her about what dissolved between you and your ex?”
“I wanted to.” I reached for an orangeas the citrusy scent was too hard to pass up. “But no. It’s too big to dump on her just yet.”
Jesserose and tossed his peel into the trash. “Eat up. We have some places to visit.”
He poppedthe remaining pieces into his mouth and chewed.
I dumped mysingle peel into the tissue paper, and pulled apart the orange into its segments, eating one at a time. “What’s the plan?”
“You’ll see.” There was atwinkle in his eye. “But nothing that hurts, as I know you have a big day tomorrow.” He winked for good measure. “How long has it been since you’ve been here for Christmas?”
“Just that one year.”