“Yeah, yeah, I believe you might, out of reflex at least, but I was there, Hawk. We all saw how you stayed close and protected her. Bullshit yourself if you want to, but don’t insult our intelligence. When are you going to give her a fucking chance?”
“Fuck off!” Hawk snarls. “She’s the mother of our child, so yeah, it’s fucking complicated. I never said otherwise. I just don’t want to hop right back into bed with someone who thinks it’s alright to play God with other people’s lives.”
“Hawk,” says Viking. Of all of us, he's known Hawk the longest, and he sounds frustrated. “How long are you going to hold on to this? We know your story, but Alessa won't understand unless you take it up with her.”
“She doesn't need my life story to understand she fucked up,” Hawk grumbles. “I got shot today. Are you fucks seriously getting right up in my fucking business so soon?”
Snark barks a short laugh. “Hey, you're the guy who said it was just a fucking bullet. Thing is, she knows she fucked up. How many times does she have to tell you she's sorry?”
“None. But she could fucking show it.”
I slap the beer out of his hand. “And how the fuck is she going to do that if you keep moving the fucking bar? She has to apologize. Well, she’s done that. She has to trust us with Izzy. She’s done that, too. She has to accept us for who we are. She’s living in the God damned clubhouse now and sided with us with a fucking gun in her face! Wanna come up with another hoop for her to jump through? How about she writes 'I will not lie about my baby,' five hundred times on a piece of fucking paper? We all fucking understand you're angry, but life's too short for this shit.”
Hawk glares at me like he can burn a hole in my head with his vision alone.
“You know what I don't fucking like about this?” asks Viking. “It’s this shit right here. We're the Cleanup Crew. Brothers, and this shit is coming between us.”
“What happened to letting us all deal with it our own way?” asks Hawk with a sneer. “Or has that changed?”
Viking looks tired. “What’s changed is that we're not just brothers anymore. We're goddamn fathers.”
“I've already fucking told you, I'm here for—”
“For Izzy, sure. But Izzy and Alessa are a package deal. You can't just fucking separate them out like you can deal with one without the other, and I need you to start figuring some shit out. Because if you just didn’t want to hook up with Alessa we could work with that, but don’t fucking pretend that’s what’s going on. It burns you to see us with her, and you’re never going to be satisfied so long as we have what you want. This can’t last. I'm seeing that now.”
Hawk pushes himself to his feet with a wince. “I don't have to sit here and listen to this shit.”
“You can try to run from it, but you’re not going to get far without leaking out,” says Snark.
“Jesus fuck. You three, of all fucking people, should understand.” Hawk's voice is raw. Maybe jumping this on him right after a gunshot wound wasn't ideal. “I will do everything I fucking can for Izzy. If you guys are in so fucking love with Alessa, then you guys go fuck her. Just leave me out of it.”
I hate seeing him lash out like a wounded dog, defending itself out of panic and hurt. “You’re our brother, Hawk. Nothing can change that.”
“Doesn’t fucking feel like it.” Hawk’s voice is ice cold. “We done?”
Viking runs a hand down his face and shakes his head. “Yeah. Sure. Done. You do what you need to. So will we.”
“I'll go to my quarters then. Thanks for the beer.” We watch him leave, almost bumping into Emily as he comes out.
“Oh, sorry!” she says. Hawk grunts in response, then walks off with a hand on his side. She looks at us. “Is he… Is it going to be okay? I don’t want to come between you guys.”
“He'll come around,” says Viking.
She eyes the chair Hawk just left, but chooses to sit on the bed instead, next to Viking. He puts a hand at the small of her back and slips his hand under her shirt, where he starts drawing circles on her skin. She straightens at his touch, but doesn’t seem to mind.
“What if he doesn’t? Am I being selfish? Hawk has said time and time again that he’ll be there for Izzy, and that’s way more important than my feelings. I’m not Dario, I know I can’t make someone love me. I’m yours, all of you, but what can I do if he doesn’t want me.”