“What the fuck?” Does she really think I'm a big enough asshole that I'd let her die? The mother of my child? I can’t tell if I’m horrified or pissed off. Maybe both. “I'm not a fucking monster. Jesus Christ.”
She comes a step closer. “I know you're still pissed at me, but I want to hug you. Can I?”
Fuck, she wants to what? “No.” I wave her off and regret it right away, pain shooting up from my ribs. Her face falls at my rejection, and for a moment I feel like even more of an asshole. But what the fuck does she think? That we’re besties now?
“What can I do?”
“About what?”
“About us. About Izzy. About making this work. I understand you're mad. I understand I've hurt you, but if you refuse to explain it to me, what can I do? How do I fix this?” Her bottom lip quivers and she's blinking like she's doing her best not to cry.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah, fuck. You can swear all you want, like you always do, but it's not going to get us anywhere.”
Is that what she thinks? That we’re headed somewhere? Together? “Well, see? There’s your problem. The other guys are all over you. Isn’t three enough? I'll do anything for Isabella, but there’ll never be an us. You can't ever give me back what you took away, and you know damn well that if we hadn’t found you, we wouldn’t be here right now.” Maybe now, she'll get it.
She gets her expression under control. Her lip steadies. She looks determined. “Fine. But I'm still going to hug you.”
“Fucking what?”
“Well, if you’re going to be mad at me anyway, what do I have to lose? Hate me, if that's what you need.” She leans in and wraps her arms around my torso before I can stop her. Taking care not to press on the bandage, she puts her face against my bare chest and even kisses it. “Thank you for saving my life.”
It'd be fucking easy for me to push her away. She's no slip of a woman, but I'm way bigger and stronger. She's the bitch who hid our child away from us, and I shouldn't care that she smells good and looks fucking great without her clothes on. I know what it's like to be that damn child, and what she did is unforgivable. Should be unforgivable. But pushing her away would hurt too damn much, literally.
“Any of the guys would've done the same.” I stay rigid, like her touch isn't warm and soft and her hair doesn't smell like summer flowers. Jesus fuck, what's wrong with me? “I'm not fucking special. And I'm still angry.”
“It's okay if you're angry. Be angry with me, if you want. Just don't ignore me. You're Izzy's father too.” She presses harder against me.
Fuck.
“I'm not a nice man, Alessa. Especially when I'm mad. You don't want me angry with you.” Her hair slides from behind her ear to cover her face, and I resist the urge to push it back. I am not fucking forgiving her. Not here, not now. “Anyone can stand in the way of a bullet. Not moving is easy. It's doing something that fucking matters.”
“When someone's shooting a bullet at you, not moving is doing something.” She kisses my chest again, before she pushes herself back to her feet. Thank fucking God. With her hand on the door knob, she hesitates. “I think you’re a better man than you give yourself credit for, Hawk.”
Then she leaves me with my fucking doubts.
20
BEAR
“How's your hole?” Snark grins at Hawk, who drops into one of the chairs with a pained hiss, fresh out from getting patched up.
Hawk doesn't dignify it with an answer, which means he’s fine. Or not. Communication's never been his strong suit, but he's walking and Doc gave him the clear. Still, getting shot's no fucking joke, even for Hawk.
“Well, glad to see you on your feet,” says Viking, as he grabs a beer from his fridge. We've been waiting in his quarters for Doc to finish up. “Don’t let it go to your fucking head, but we might’ve actually been a little worried.”
“It was just a bullet,” grunts Hawk. “Give me a beer.”
Snark gets one from the fridge and tosses it over. “Special delivery for the invalid. Don't get too used to it.”
“Fuck off.”
“Good to see it didn’t disrupt your sunny disposition.” I grin at his scowl. “Seriously, though. You took a bullet for Alessa. That means something.”
“For fuck's sake, not you too.” Hawk rolls his eyes. “What was I supposed to do? Let him shoot her? She can be all fucking impressed if she wants, but you fucks know me better than that.”
“Yeah, we do,” says Snark, staying safely out of punching distance, “And I know Bear’s right.”.
“I wouldn't have let anyone take a bullet if I could fucking stop it.”