I can feel my face scrunch up in confusion, disconcerted by her choice of words.
“Of course. You always have a choice.”
Her eyes widen, a tear escaping down her cheeks.
“Talk to me.”
I use my thumb to gently wipe away the moisture on her cheek, nervous to hear what she has to say.
“The only time I had a choice in my life was when I decided to be with you, but even that felt like it was out of my control.”
She’s whispering the words, but she might as well be yelling them at me. Each word punctures, stabbing me with unconscious intent.
There had been several moments during my first year with Ria where I questioned if I was right for her. Knowing the kind of life I lived and the career path I had selected for myself, I had often wished that I had met her sooner so I could have lived differently.
Now that I’ve heard the words straight from her mouth, I’m left with so much insecurity and resounding guilt.
I let my eyes roam her face before they fall on her hands, now pressed together on her lap.
Still ringless.
I haven’t told her yet, but I have her ring. Ben had secured it for me when the FBI sent over the evidence we had been missing. This whole time, it had sat in my former boss’ office, along with evidence he had purposely hid to obstruct the investigation.
I’ve been waiting for the right time to give it to her, but now seeing how this is affecting her, I know she’s not ready. I’m still wearing mine around my neck, not wanting to push her about our marriage.
Yes, she lets me hold her and kiss her. But her heart is still locked up in the makeshift prison she built during our time apart.
I don’t question whether or not she loves me. I knowshe does.
Her soul calls out to mine just as much as mine does to her.
She just needs time to work through all the shit in her head. I can wait… but now I’m wondering if I should push a little harder and make more of an effort, so she knows she is the only one for me.
I’m willing to make adjustments to my career so we can function better than we did before.
“Ria. Look at me please?”
Cupping her face, I urge her to turn those gorgeous browns my way. When she finally does, they’re welling with tears, her distress palpable.
“I don’t want to leave either. The thought of you and Adrian here without me fucking frightens me––” I thread my other hand through her hair, running my fingers through those dark locks that are the stuff of my dreams. “––but I need to be there so I can make sure Penelope stays far away from you. This is what I need to do to protect our family.”
I kiss her forehead gently, letting my lips idle over her skin. I bask in her scent, allowing it to consume me like only she can.
Resting my forehead against hers, I move my hand across her cheek to cup the back of her neck.
“I’ll be back soon.”
She nods against me, her hand coming up to clutch my wrist. I can feel her defenses crumbling and the urge to stay here so we can finally talk about us is strong, but I resist.
One more thing and this will be over.
I need to do this last thing and then I can fight for her. For us.
I rise to my feet, pulling her with me and against my chest.
And because I’m a glutton for punishment, I give in to it. I tip her chin up, my lips crashing down on hers in a kiss that was meant as a see you later that suddenly feels like a goodbye.
Pulling back, I look down at her widened eyes and realize she feels it too.