I see our last months together, something dark and ominous hanging over the house as we struggled with the pressure of Galen always being around. The future uncertain as we sought seers to help guide us, going as far as seeking the ever-elusive Fates, who never deigned to surface.
I see Essos stepping into our bedroom to find Galen standing over me on our bed only half dressed, laughing. Blood stains the sheets around me, and the skirt of my white dress is hiked up around my waist, a dagger jutting out of my chest. Galen laughs and laughs as I stretch out my hand to Essos, feeling my heart pump the life out of me. Galen didn’t rape me, but letting his brother believe it was punishment enough. Essos will spend eternity wondering if he failed me in every way possible by underestimating his brother.
In my last memory, Essos rushes to me. His hands shake, and he doesn’t know what to do. He tugs on my dress, pulling it down, and then he touches my chest on either side of the dagger, pressing around it, trying to stop the bleeding. We both know that it’s already too late. I’m dying, and no amount of wishing otherwise will change that. He cups my face with his hand, hesitating when he realizes that he’s leaving bloody handprints behind. He kisses me, tasting of salt as the tears flow freely down his face.
“I will find you across time. There is no force in the universe that will keep me from you. You are my sun,” he vows to me as my heart slows and the last of the air leaves my lungs all while Galen stands over me, laughing and laughing and laughing.
When it ends, I’m left speechless and lost. My eyes are out of focus, and when they do focus on something, it’s the pain on Essos’s face. I have chosen his brother over him. I have thrown away everything that we shared. Now that the door is wide open, I can access all my memories. A strangled noise works its way out of my throat as I collapse, Essos catching me before I hit the ground.
“You know not what you have done, brother. When she erupts, she will destroy you, and I won’t stop her,” Essos says, the words barely more than a whisper. He holds me to him, looking at Galen, who is smug with triumph.
There will never be enough words to express the regret that burns deep in my soul. I look up at Essos, tears streaming down my face. I feel as though I’ve been punched in the gut over and over again. I open my mouth to apologize to him, but I can’t make a sound.
Essos closes his eyes and kisses my brow. “I know, my love. I know.” The same sound that carried me out of the world is what I hear now. I find my strength and stand up, turning to face Galen as he laughs, standing on a chair and towering over us all. I thrust my hand toward him, and the chair collapses, falling apart under him, but it doesn’t stop his laughter. Cat and Zara gasp, and I find I’m also surprised I was capable of that. The movement was natural, stemming from a well within me that is part of a nature I’m just remembering. What has been dormant within me has awoken…and it ispissed.
“There is nothing you can do about it now, princess. Signed, sealed, and delivered. You chose me.” Galen looks around and addresses the room. “Do you see that? The almighty King of the Underworld can’t even keep his own wife—how do you expect him to continue to keep souls? I demand a vote! Not only does his own wife choose someone else, but his focus on the Underworld is slipping.
“He’s so focused on a tight little pussy that he not only let a mortal slip into the Underworld, but he actually let a soul return to the mortal realm. Clearly, he’s not the ruler we need. He is no longer fit to rule the Underworld. We deserve better. The souls deserve better. Our economy deserves better. What else has been slipping under his watch that we’ve missed? I nominate myself as his successor—after all, his queen chose me.”
There are murmurs around the room as everyone considers what Galen is asking. I look at Essos, alarmed. He’s not looking at me now, just watching every move that his brother makes. His features are back to the bored ambivalence I saw so much during the past three months, which I now recognize, too late, as his unwillingness to tip his hand to his brother. I recognize my husband for who he is. If he’s worried about the vote of no confidence, he won’t show it.
Regardless of whether anyone else recognizes Essos and I as still married, he is my husband, and I won’t wed again. We’ve never had to face the question of the reincarnation of a god. We’re supposed to be immortal, invulnerable. What happened to me shouldn’t have happened at all.
I want to scream and shout and take it all back, but I know there’s nothing I can do. I made my bed, and now I have to lie in it. Around the room, minor gods and goddesses are taking Galen’s side, and there is little that can be done to stop the vote now that it’s in progress. My brain is trying to play catch-up, and I can’t identify those who are voting Essos out. I stare hard at each one. I may not remember their names now, but Iwillremember their faces.
Helene won’t even look at me, her disgust so strong I can almost taste it. I remember being close with her once. But it is the look on Posey’s face that sharpens my anger into a blade. Posey, who normally looks like she’s smelled something rotten, looks triumphant. She’s hated Essos for the power he wields in Solarem, and she’s hated her husband for always willingly giving it up to Essos. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out the bitch danced on my grave. Her glee at this chaos, at Essos being removed from power, is one step too far. Galen is so focused on rallying his people to his side that he finally loses sight of me. While the debate rages, Essos pulls me away and sneaks me into a room just down the hall from the ballroom.
He shuts the door before turning to face me.
I rush him and wrap my arms around him. “Oh Es, what did I do?” I start to cry, and he holds me tight against him.
He gives me only a moment before pushing me away slightly and looking me in the eye.
“I know, my love. I know.”
I lean up and kiss him hard on the mouth, a real kiss, our first kiss with all of my memories, and I am filled with love and joy. I try hard to hold on to this feeling. Love, real true love.
“I have so many questions. Why couldn’t you tell me? Did you know it was me the whole time? Have I reincarnated before?” I demand, pounding a fist on his chest. Essos wraps his hands around my wrists, holding them there against his chest. He chuckles darkly, leaning to press a kiss to each of my fists.
“I would know your soul across a thousand lifetimes. Of course, I knew it was you. You’ve never been reincarnated before, but the Council insisted that Itryto find a new mortal bride, so I did have other Callings. I ended them all for one reason or another.
“After Galen—” Essos swallows thickly, looking away from me for a moment before continuing “—killed you, the Council demanded that, should your soul ever return to us, you should be allowed no memories so that you could make the decision to become queen of your own accord. Galen insisted that he loved you, and he loved you first, and it was only fair that he have his shot. He cited that he was getting to know you before you and I ever met, and thatIam the one who interfered with the woman who should have been his. I don’t know why Posey intervened, but there was nothing that could be done. Without you on the Council, I was outvoted, like this bloody bullshit now. Not that it mattered—strings were being pulled behind the scene. Helene admitted to me later that she was told she was voting on something else, otherwise, she never would have voted for this.”I’m nearly burned by the vitriol in his voice. “It was a fucking farce, and I had to swallow that pill on the heels of…I was in no emotional shape to put the pieces together until it was too late.”
I touch his arm gently. “Essos, he never…Galen never raped me. He just wanted you to think that.”
Essos tugs me into his arms, kissing the crown of my head, “I know. Helene took care of everything after. I told her how I found you, and she found out, because I…” He’s beyond words, and I can feel the drop of something on the top of my head. I burrow deeper into his arms.
“I’m here,” I promise, though we both know it’s only temporary. What comes next, neither of us knows. “Why aren’t you out there defending yourself, defending our realm?” My words are desperate.
“I can’t. He’s been building support for this moment for centuries, positioning the God of War as the natural successor and rightful heir to the Underworld. God of the Dead apparently isn’t a good enough qualification. The only thing that could have stopped this mutiny is having the ace in the hole, the trump card.”
“The Queen of the Underworld. But why? I’m the Goddess of Spring, what can I do?”
“Goddess of Spring and Chaos. You’ve always underestimated yourself. When we were wed, do you remember how we sliced our palms and joined them for the remainder?”
I try to recall it, but my head swims and I stagger into Essos’s chest. “Let’s go with not quite.”
“You were squeamish about it then too. As my queen, my consort, and my wife, you got some of my powers. Just a small kernel, but it linked you forever to the Underworld. It’s how I was able to keep your gardens in bloom all these centuries.”